Ever been in a room with a pundit
and they’re talking up such a load of codswallop that it’s all you can do to not pull your hair out and run, screaming, into the street, looking for a Martian to swallow you up?
Yea, I thought you had.
I was looking through my Google Reader a few minutes ago, and I caught a post by Amrit Pal, one of WUL’s regular guest bloggers, on what he “shipped” in 2010.
And I loved the way he started his post. He didn’t exactly say that the post he referenced was BS, but I got the impression that he wasn’t too impressed by it.
Which made me think (yes, it’s been known to happen)
We all encounter blowhards and egomaniacs, whether online or in real life.
Most of the time we put up with them (usually if they’re a big enough “name,” because we don’t want to piss them off), but wouldn’t it be great if you had a handy list of things to say or do that subtly tells them where to get off?
(Get your mind out of the gutter, I said “where,” not “how”!)
Here goes.
1. Insert “with all due respect” somewhere in your answer/post/whatever. Yup, that’s straight from Amrit’s post, but I LOVE it. Because when you start with that, it’s clear that there’s disagreement coming. But it’s respectful!
2. Another great phrase to use is “in my opinion.” If you want to Gen-Y it up, “IMHO,” and end your comment with it.
3. Don’t respond. At all. This will drive them nuts.
4. Say, “Imagine that!”And keep saying it. Very politely.
5. Once they’ve finished opining, don’t say anything for a couple of seconds. Then make a remark that is completely unrelated to the conversation at hand.
6. Ask them to elaborate… repeatedly. “Really?” “Hmm, can you explain some more?” “Would you run that by me again?” And so on.
7. Start off with, “If I’m being honest…” Simon Cowell practically made this an art form.
8. If they’re blowing smoke on Facebook, don’t “like” their comment or status update.
9. Be really effusive. “Really?!” “WOW!” “Oh. My. God!” They’ll get the message.
10. Look at your watch and say, “It’s been lovely, but I really must run.” And then strike up a conversation with someone two feet away.
What would you add?
Image: Pete Simon via Flickr, CC 2.0
[…] 10 Ways To Let People Know They’re Talking BS […]
Can I just say this article has a great title? I was going to read this one no matter what. Pretty humorous too, thanks for the tips. I am sure I will be able to use them some time. :)
@hackmanj One of those times the headline really worked, eh Joe? Thanks so much for coming by!
I always like to say, “Wow! That’s really something!” or “Oh my” . I also like “you must have been thinking about that for some time now.”
Fun! Thanks!
@EricaAllison Oh, I love that last one. “You must have been thinking about that for some time now.” I’m going to have to file that away – thanks!
With a look of disbelief I shake my head and say “interesting.”
@sarah_gore Nice one!
I think it’s all in the eyes, the expression. No matter what you say, if you’ve got that WTF are you talking about look on your face, even a blowhard (lol’d when you wrote that) bs’er is going to know that you aren’t buying his (well, or she, I guess, probably not) line. I have what some might consider to be a problem in that I can control my words well but not my facial expressions, so I know this works.
@ericaholt That’s another thing you and I have in common, then, Erica, because I can’t hide my feelings either! Which is why I’m very careful about how many video Skype calls I do…
My favorite: “What a strange thing to say!” Works really well for backhanded compliments too.
@annbevans Uh oh. I’m going to have to watch out for that one from you!
I’m a fan of number five. If you’re lucky the subject will move to something completely different and you won’t have to hear any of the BS anymore. If you’re unlucky you’ll have to hear more of the same. Of course, the same could be said of all the points.
@Sushi I guess that’s when you use @3HatsComm ‘s list: http://bit.ly/OnCkj and do this: ,!!!! – ha!
@Shonali @3HatsComm I’ll have to do that! So many of the number ones on that list boggle my mind.
@Shonali @Sushi Ok, I didn’t know that one… too funny.
Knew from the title I’d love this @Shonali . And I may have a guest post about this very thing someday. In that instance, I used what @MollyFulton mentioned, deployed the approach of casually dropping enough buzzwords and jargon to let the person know my style was the exact opposite of theirs and then, used #10. Ran. I do split hairs with the IME, TEHO, MMV because it’s true: everyone has different experience’s, their own tastes, gets their own mileage.
I’m not really confrontational, certainly not in person and have to decide if it’s really worth my time and effort to mix it up. It all depends on the time and place, the context: is it a meeting in which you’re supposed to discuss? A presentation and you don’t agree w/ the speaker, have the opportunity to offer counterpoints? Do I know the issue well enough to call crap when I see/hear it? Most people don’t like being called on their crap, I don’t. But I do try to be open to a little well-intentioned (not mean spirited, derisive) honesty; not everyone is. FWIW.
@3HatsComm @MollyFulton OK, what’s MMV?!
You’re right, most of us don’t like being called on our crap, but sometimes it’s necessary. I think there’s a time and place to do it, and a way to do it as well. A head-on collision usually isn’t going to help anyone.
@Shonali @MollyFulton It’s mileage may vary. The head-on collision, there’s a reason it’s a wreck. Time and place to do it, depending on the relationship, the intent. I don’t mind it as much when it’s polite, respectful, for my own good, but when it’s self-serving, condescending, patronizing w/out context of walking a few miles in my shoes, then I get defensive and it doesn’t help anyone.
@3HatsComm @MollyFulton Davina, I think you should write an acronym soup post and all the different ways in which they can be used. Seriously!
@Shonali Hee. Yesterday I tweeted a list to soulati of the many different texting abbreviations. Guess I’m the only slacker who mixes it up on some chats and forums, knows the shorthand. http://bit.ly/OnCkj but be advised, some are NSFW. ;-)
@3HatsComm @Shonali soulati Thanks goodness for @3HatsComm for keeping me on my toes. #dumb me; as I don’t text that way because I have to think too hard. (I’m OLD.)
@3HatsComm soulati That list is so much fun! I think my favorite might be ,!!!! – that would be a good one to add to this list. :p. On another note, this is another reason I love @livefyre – what a great way to bring folks into the conversation!
My 89-year-old mother would reply, “Isn’t that a kick?” (part question, part statement.) I usually respond with, Huh! (Not as in Huh?, what did you say, but as in, Huh, that’s b.s….) These are some good suggestions to improve my repertoire. Thanks!
@HauteFlash I like your 89-year-old mother’s style. :)
Love this list. Since directness with a blowhard almost Never works, I like to use their own words against them. As in “well, at such-and-such conference, didn’t you say *contradictory statement*”? I was hoping of more of that when I was deciding whether to hire you/recommend you/buy your book. And then. Smile and walk away.(btw, if anyone knows how much livefyre is going to be, I need to know. This=amazing.)
@Tinu Now I know what to watch out for, Tinu. :p
Yup, isn’t livefyre great? I adore it. I’d buy it its own island if I could. Without a smoke monster…
@Shonali Now you know for Sure that you’re one of the few people I won’t be saying these things to – because 1- you’re not a blowhard (you almost NEVER plug yourself, and when you do it’s because someone asked you directly) and 2- Any book you ever write I will own and you will autograph. ;) And yes livefyre is lovely. And that was before I saw how you can @ someone here. I went and searched my email for an invite code. None. Sad face.
@Tinu @Shonali So glad you’re enjoying the system! Now let’s do something about that beta invite, something is waiting for you in your inbox :)
@Tinu So how COOL is livefyre customer service? @jennalanger that’s just fab. Thank you!
Tinu – I hope I don’t disappoint at some point. And speaking of books, where is YOUR book, My Lovely, as ingrid abboud would say?
@Tinu I’m sure @jennalanger will take care of that soon, eh, Jenna?
@Shonali Way ahead of you on that one, sent @Tinu the invite yesterday :)
@jennalanger @Shonali woot! Just opened my invite.
@Shonali I need to get that book out of my head and on to paper. I’m concerned that it will label me as a futurist, but I decided to just get on with it, transcribe my thoughts, add the research, and hire an editor. :) And thanks for asking.
@Tinu There could be worse things than being labeled a futurist. Eg. Arthur C. Clarke, etc. So I hope you dust it off soon!
I like #6, maybe because it’s not openly rude but it’s still squirm-inducing.
@Jensenborger6 It can be pretty funny, too. It’s also a really good way of making someone think through what they’re saying, and I’ve been in situations where they suddenly go… oh, that doesn’t make sense at all! Of course, that’s when they have the grace to admit that.
With all due respect Shonali, what happened to good old fashion honesty and openness? Quite frankly, if someone can’t handle criticism, then they aren’t worth my time. In my opinion, these “subtle” ways of calling out b.s. is what keeps the b.s. flowing.
@kmskala Ha, I was wondering if anyone was going to use that on me. Nicely done.
I agree with you that folks should be able to handle criticism. However, people also have increasingly thin skins, especially in the US; this is something I’ve noticed over the decade or so I’ve lived here, after having moved from India.
If you’re a classroom setting it’s one thing; the teacher is expected to criticize (hopefully constructively) in order for you to improve one’s performance… though even in that situation, attitudes to teaching and criticism are still quite different in the two countries.
When you come into the “real” world, though, it’s different. Yes, there are still power plays, but they don’t tend to be as absolute, and for the most part, we have to figure out how to deal with these, call a spade a spade when we see it, yet do it in a way that won’t irreparably damage relationships, or the chance of future relationships.
From what I’ve seen and experienced, people will only accept criticism in a positive spirit if they have some level of trust in you, and believe that what you are saying is really in their best interest, and not just you being arrogant or rude. Using a more subtle approach can help you get there. It’s not about keeping the BS flowing, it’s more about using a gentler touch than that of a bull in a china shop.
IMHO.
By the way, when I said “you” throughout my response, I didn’t mean “you” but was using it in a general term. You – this time I mean *you* – got that, right?
@Shonali @kmskala You’ll never stop the flow of BS, and calling it out everytime would just be exhausting! This is definitely a “pick your battles” zone. (If you have kids, you know what I mean.) Sometimes just not feeding the BS bear is enough to make it retreat. No need to poke it.
@MollyFulton @kmskala That’s a very good point, Molly. Especially given how many demands we have on our time and, therefore, energy, it’s smart to pick your battles.
@kmskala I completely agree, hence my response. Sometimes I worry we’ve become too PC to that point we suffer fools too much.
@kmskala if you’ve got the time :)
I tend to believe the most direct “You know that’s a big of bullshit, right?” or the PC version (which is a variation of #9) of that “Come on, really?” Our time is very precious to us and in calling it out right away you potentially save the next person from it.
@browncoatsmovie True! The thing is we can’t always do that – there might be other people around, maybe we don’t want to offend… but I’m with you, @kmskala and @Jensenborger6 on not shying away from the direct approach as a rule of thumb.
[…] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Shonali Burke, Tinu Abayomi-Paul, browncoatsmovie, Aditya Sahay, Sarah Gore, Stance and others. Sarah Gore, Stance said: Only 10? ;) RT @shonali: New post: 10 Ways To Let People Know They're Talking BS http://t.co/3blxKIa – what would you add? […]
#5 is my favorite method. It provides just enough awkward tension (a la The Office) to make a point, but then you can move on without being confrontational. I am fascinted by industry jargon and buzzwords and play a secret litttle drinking game in my head. Every time some blowhard uses some overused buzzy crap in a meeting, I slurp my coffee. But sometimes you really do just need to BS, and then I just say “I don’t think so…” I would like something more clever on occassion, though.
@MollyFulton Yup, sometimes you definitely need to be very upfront about it. I think the situation you’re in also makes a difference.
So what’s the most coffee you’ve ever slurped in your private buzzword bingo game? :p
@Shonali Let’s just say it’s a good thing I LOVE coffee. I’ve been to few venti meetings.:)
Awhile back when I was just graduating from college I remember trying to impress someone as if I was a savvy technologist or something. I was talking about the importance of some website features and was way too caught up with myself. The person I was speaking to, obviously much wiser than I, listened intently, smiled, and then replied with “neat!” and moved the conversation along.
@JasKeller That’s too funny. And clearly it had an impact, since you can still recall it.