On The Hunt? Jobs That Might Leave You Gobsmacked

Note: if you don’t read all the way through this post before jumping to put in your application, you may indeed be in danger of being gobsmacked (image: Clint Bohn, Creative Commons).

Job hunters with a yen for clean speak might find this interesting:

Director of Communications, the Ronald Wilson Reagan Hand Sanitizer Project, Washington, DC

Foundation seeks Director of Communications to develop and implement strategic goal of having every hand sanitizer in the United States named after Our Greatest President while promoting healthy habits. Duties include strategic planning across all 50 states and US territories; lobbying on Capitol Hill; op-eds; news releases; event planning; social media; and coordination with industry manufacturers and distributors. With your support, every hand sanitizer in every office, restaurant, medical facility and sports complex will bear the name of The Great Communicator. Resume and Party Affiliation to: RWRSP, The Ronald Reagan Building, 1776 Ronald Reagan Avenue, Washington (Reagantown name change pending), DC 20086.

On the other hand, if you’re going through social media rehab, this might appeal to you:

Communications Specialist, Campaign Against Butt-Dialing, Foggy Bottom, DC

Trade association seeking to eradicate America’s fastest-growing social disease seeks energetic person to serve on the front lines as we launch our latest public awareness campaign, “The Butt Stops Here.” Help us as we appeal to our primary target audience (men) and our secondary target audience (men), as well as tertiary audiences (men) on the importance of proper cell phone storage, butt-dialing etiquette and What To Do When You Accidentally Use All Your Minutes on a Call to Egypt. Resume to buttout (a) cabd (d0t) org. No phone calls please.

And I know buzzword bingo buffs will make a beeline for this one:

Vice President of Jargon, Washington, D.C.

Defense contractor seeks Vice President of Jargon to craft mechanisms that ensure inter-operational optimization and meet mission-critical objectives. Ideal candidate will triage time-sensitive priorities, coordinate infrastructure, enhance operational efficiency and service delivery through service management best practices, drive business innovation, ensure single point-of-accountability across infrastructure and promote time-to-resolution commitments. Background in assured computing preferred. Resume to WTF Corp., Near the Pentagon, Arlington, Va. 22023.

(One, two, three…)

People. Do you remember what today is?

Gotcha!

These are just a few gems (image: Eelco, Creative Commons) from my friend Ned Lundquist’s free, weekly jobs e-newsletter, “Job of the Week” or JOTW (of which I’m sometimes guest editor), and the “infamous March 32nd edition,” as Ned calls it.

Because what could be better than relieving the stress of the job hunt than a good laugh?

So if you’re on the hunt, give yourself a break and have some fun today. And do yourself a huge favor by subscribing to Ned’s newsletter – you’ll find it’ll brighten up your inbox every Monday (and heaven knows Mondays desperately need a makeover).

Did I mention it’s free? And that’s no joke.

Bonus and totally-not-fake tip: if you’re job hunting in the DC area, I strongly recommend you come to the IABC/DC Metro chapter meeting next week. Ned will be joined by Kate Perrin of PRofessional Solutions, the area’s first PR temp agency, and the inimitable Heather Huhman of Come Recommended, to discuss job hunting in a down economy.

With three powerhouses like that present, not to mention the connections you might make, can you afford to miss it? The early bird registration deadline is Tuesday, April 9, and you’re welcome to sign up as my guest for $5 off. I hope to see you there!