Guest post by Nancy Davis
“Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are.”
That is a very apt way of saying that we often hang out with people who are like us.
Like attracts like.
Who we choose to spend time with says a lot about who we are as people and what we value. If I looked at the blogs in your Reader, would I be surprised?
I choose to be around people who add to my life and inspire me to be better. I spend less and less time with those who don’t have anything good to say, since I find them to be draining.
Where is your focus?
Are you keeping company with people who are successful and learning as much as you can? Or are you spending time with others who are out of work, and can’t catch a break sitting around whining, wondering why your life stinks?
When you hang out with negative people, that thinking creeps in to your mind, and you can start to sabotage yourself.
A better idea is to surround yourself with people who are where you want to be. I have made some fantastic friends online, and have even had the privilege of meeting some of them in person. These people are great examples of where I want to be and when I am with them, I learn all I can.
I leave them feeling a renewed sense of hope. I feel like anything is possible.
What draws me to the blogs I read
Being approachable online is a great thing. I prefer to read blogs by those who want to hear from their readers. One of the reasons I will come back to a blog again and again is that feeling that the blogger is talking to me, not at me.
I don’t want a sermon, and this is not Church!
I love interaction, even if you don’t agree with me. Two of the big reasons I may not engage with someone online are: either there is too little interaction, or they are very negative all the time.
I want to come to a blog to learn something, and interact with that blogger.
If I learn something but get no interaction, well … I can accomplish the same thing by reading a book.
I choose who to surround myself with
Even on Twitter, I choose who to follow and follow back. I don’t follow people who only tweet links.
Show me something. Be funny. Be human, but most of all be you. I will probably like you if you do that.
Putting on an act is not a way to get me to follow you on any social network. This is because I am who I hang out with, and I don’t hang out with spammers. I follow people based on how much they talk with others and whether or not they have good things to say.
Misery loves company
This is true in real life as well as in social media. I personally have a lot going on, but I don’t want to sit and cry over it.
Instead, I surround myself with people who have made it out of hard times and can point me in the right direction.
What kind of company are you keeping? Is it a good reflection of you and who you are?
Image: Picture Perfect Pose via Flickr, CC 2.0
Nancy Davis is a freelance writer. She is also a social media blogger for Melen LLC. Follow her on Twitter.
Nancy,
That was an excellent post. I don’t think there can be enough people writing about the value of being selective in social media. I’ve been fairly choosy about those I have followed (and of course my peanut butter…which I got from my mother…[really old Jiffy tag line reference. sorry]) Because of this, I am happy to say I have a wonderful and supportive bunch of SM friends. Yourself included!
Thanks,
Brian
@ExtremelyAvg “Choosy moms choose Jif!” I remember those ads Brian! I also have a really wonderful bunch of SM friends who have started to really mean a lot to me. Yourself included my friend!
The more I read your posts, the more alike I think our styles are. One thing about Facebook that gets me is that it’s devalued the word ‘friend.’ I can count on 2 hands my closest friends – those who’ll move that body, who can’t bail you out of jail b/c they’re right there w/ you – kinda friends. They are the company I choose to keep.
Online it’s the same; I’m not so elitist or snobby that I won’t engage with anyone but at the same time, it matters to me who’s on my LinkedIn, who can see those Facebook photos, who follows me on Twitter as I make sure it’s not a bunch of bots and spammers. It’s because it’s the company I keep and while I don’t care so much for appearance’s sake, I have to keep it real. When I read blogs, yes I want to learn something that’ll help me and my business. I also want to meet people, have fun; no sermons or post-graduate lectures. I want a mix of the good, the bad, the ugly .. but totally respect that we don’t have to share everything. See, we’re alike.. but I suspect you have cooler taste in music. FWIW.
@3HatsComm I do have awesome taste in music. That is due to my older brother Jimmy. I even blogged about that once. He turned me on to The Beatles at a very young age..
I am not an elitist or snob either, and i have a lot of crossover lately. I have some very good friends that I met here who very well might help with that body…
I have had some friends for years. They accept me flaws and all. My house does not have to be perfect when they come over. If I am brokenhearted they bring donuts. Those are true friends and you only get a few of those in your life.
@NancyD68 Those sorts of friends are awesome. @3HatsComm
@Erin F.@3HatsComm Everyone needs someone who will bring donuts,. or help hide a body…or both.
@NancyD68@3HatsComm Agreed. I wish some of you online people lived closer to El Paso, or I lived closer to you. I don’t need help hiding a body, but donuts sound good. :)
Lovely post, Nancy! I think my company is a good reflection of who I am. I think I can safely say we’re all rather quirky. If people don’t care for that word, well, maybe we shouldn’t spend as much time in each other’s company. I also have a number of people in that company who inspire me – like you said, surround yourself with people who are where you want to be.
@Erin F. Well said Erin and quirky is certainly fine with me!
@hackmanj hey thanks Joe! Really appreciate that!
Nancy – the fact that I interact more with people with a PR background is evidence of this fact. I am an IT guy but values wise I am a relationship builder. I have more in common with PR than IT. I never really thought of it that way until reading this. Most of my “daily reads” are PR, Marketing and Cause based. The causes happen to be due to an alignment of values. The PR/Marketing has to do with an alignment of personalities. I am a people lover, but I find it easier to like people who feed off building relationships. Coolness.
@hackmanj I like the same things Joe. Maybe that is why I run into you so much. I like to be around those who really know what they are doing,because that is how I learn.
@NancyD68 I like spiderweb analogies to describe it. We’re building a sort of web, the more strands out there, the more they overlap. Perhaps more critically though in this case, the actual type of strands leads to the overlapping. Definitely not a coincidence and equally cool. @Shonali and my web overlap more and more as time goes on. I see it in the familiar faces in the comments here. Here and over at ginidietrich ‘s spinsucks blog. Now Email, (personal) Facebook accounts, elsewhere.
@hackmanj@Shonaliginidietrich I have a lot of overlap and would not have it any other way. I think we really get to know each other when we are on several networks together.
One of the cool things was that @Shonali commented about was getting to know me in email rather than just on Twitter and now we are on Facebook too. This is when we really get to know someone.
@NancyD68@hackmanj@Shonali@ginidietrich I seem to recall Joe was the heavy hitter Tiger Woods called for advice on his image the minute he broke his car on her golf club…or was it his club on her car. I was confused but Joe wasn’t and look at Tiger now.
@HowieSPM lol! Dude.. no way :)
@NancyD68 Just wait until @HowieSPM starts sending you email. Oh boy, will you get to know him then…! @hackmanj
@Soulati @shonali Thanks for the RT Jayme! Hope your day is going well. :)
@NancyD68 http://t.co/hEKq9tpI
Spot on post, Nancy! ;) I agree; we are the company we keep and what you put into your relationships is a direct measure of what you get out of them. One-side conversations are boring. I never thought of it the way you put it, but it is like reading a book. That’s not always bad. Sometimes, I do want to just go in, read, think and then leave without ever leaving a comment. However, those aren’t the folks that I ‘hang’ with – those are the resources within my network. There’s a difference between community and network and I think you hold up a great example of the former!
@EricaAllison Yes. Resources. Good way of putting it Erica. I am thinking of one very popular blogs that I read daily. I can comment but I never, ever get a reply. It is like reading a book. I do read that blog many times and never comment because that is not what that blog is for. I do use it as a resource though.
I prefer meeting people, seeing what they have to say and learning from them. That is the only way to grow right?
@johnfalchetto @bdorman264 @skypulsemedia Thanks so much for stopping by @NancyD68 post and sharing!
JC, @NancyD68 , your post runs, I head off for #mybootcamp, and come back an hour later to find 13 comments already. Thirteen! What a testament to not just a great post, but your smarts in building a great community. Kudos and I’m so happy you chose to guest post on WUL!
@Shonali I got up later than usual, and was just finishing my post when i see a tweet go by in the Twitter stream about my post. I came to see and already had two comments at 7:30!
I am so happy and grateful that you ran my post Shonali.
@NancyD68 I was thrilled that you wanted to post here – so thank YOU!
@JohnFalchetto thank you so much John. Thank you for great comment too
As in my iPod, you might be surprised who is in my Reader. I like to keep a very diverse group of friends online and off. Otherwise, it might be hard for skypulsemedia to make it into my club.
I do a very good job of blending in with just about any crowd. Whereas some might be whiners and complainers, I feel like I can learn from anybody I hang with. Sometimes I’m learning things I would never want to do, but I’m learning and it helps give me a better perspective and empathy when dealing with others.
I do not want to limit myself in my choice of friends. Yes, you pretty much are the company you keep but Bill Dorman is not some exclusive club only certain people can get it.
I try to use some common sense and not get too far down in the mud; but I do have some ‘fun’ friends that aren’t exactly socially acceptable in some situations……………
I’m just not that picky, whether that’s a good thing or bad thing I don’t know; but it just is……
Good to see you at Shonali’s today.
@bdorman264 What’s on your iPod that we don’t know about? I want to know!
@Shonali I will say this, when we bought my son a new iPod I got his old one; songs and all. Eventually, it crashed and burned so I bought a used one online and just had him load it up again with his music. I don’t even have a music file because my ‘home’ computer is also my office computer and downloading music is verboten. My wife won’t let me use her computer………..:).
Having said that, I do have Spotify on my office computer so by de facto I guess I do have a music file and just need to figure out how to load it up.
I like a wide range of music. I would say country is my least favorite but I can just about listen to anything.
@bdorman264 When I used my mp3 player, my husband would load it up for me. Now that I have Spotify, I just listen to that if I’m out… if I’m home, I still like to put a CD in. narciso17 sent me a couple that he made for me to help with my recovery, which I thought was such a sweet thing to do.
I never used to like country, but now I do, quite a bit. Visiting Dollywood made a difference too…
@Shonalinarciso17 I did see Miranda Lambert in St Pete. She played after a Rays baseball game. I was probably w/in 20′ of her and that was pretty cool. She sounded good……….
@bdorman264@Shonali I saw his IPod. Justin Timberlake. Insync. Katy Perry. Tiny Tim. Don Ho. Helen Reddy. AFI. The Hustle. New Kids on the Block. Cyndi Lauper. Pat Boone and the Lawrence Welk Orchestra. Oh and he is a closet Slayer fan.
@HowieSPM@bdorman264@Shonali But it wasn’t any kind of Pat Boone – no it was Pat Boone covering Ozzy! That is the moment I ran away screaming….
I want @HowieSPM to lend me HIS iPod. I bet that has some good stuff on it.
@HowieSPM@Shonali Sorry, you left off Barry Manilow….now it’s a complete list……
@HowieSPM@bdorman264 Helen Reddy! I used to love Helen Reddy!
@bdorman264 I have a very interesting group of friends too. No doubt I have the ones that I get in trouble with, but for the most part I hang with those who I want to be like and want to learn from.
Yes, I do learn from the whiners and complainers too. I have learned to become more open minded as I get older. It also helps me to be more compassionate. I am certainly not an “exclusive” club, but I am more choosy about who I spend the bulk of my time with than I used to be.
Thanks for stopping by. You have become one of my good friends online, and when I don’t see you, I wonder where you are. :)
@NancyD68 If you don’t see me it’s probably because I’m hanging with my in real life friends my wife with have nothing whatsoever to do with. Those are usually my golfing buddies or go to the football/baseball game buddies……:).
@bdorman264 Um, or watching cricket…? @NancyD68
@Shonali@NancyD68 Now that’s a rough crowd; I don’t even tell my wife about that crew……….
Great post Nancy from a fellow headbanger!
In 2000 I changed almost all my friends. Got rid of the energy vampires and the dead weight. Many were friends since high school or earlier. If they didn’t treat me or others well they got tossed. Really harder when younger. In 2003 I hung with an old high school friend I rarely saw. He was a dentist in NY and I was there on business. We discussed this. He said he thought it was weird I would disconnect from old friends even if they grew to be assholes, users, etc I said how could he stay friends with people who treated him poorly? Just because he went to 7th grade with them they got a free pass?
Same with the online/bog stuff. I definitely see people attracted for various reasons. I have my reality posse on the Twitter who are a very widely diverse group. If you scanned the list of blogs I list on my blog they are quite eclectic but all have the same theme of having a unique expertise/value of some sort. Plus now that AdAge changed the rankings I think only 3 are in the Top 50.
My only real problem I have is this bdorman264 dude. He is dragging down my Klout and I am having clients in a semi panic and thinking of jumping ship. If my shipments of cupcakes ever end I see big trouble.
@HowieSPMbdorman264 As long as Bill doesn’t show up anywhere in a speedo you should be okay dude. I quit Klout which means I have no Klout score. That means I am more trustworthy right?
I read some A-list blogs, and I also read some that are not. I am attracted to people online who are not so full of hot air that they are about to fly away!
I agree too about purging the friends. Some get to a point where the friendship can’t continue because it is too much time/energy/work etc.
Wait a minute, Bill sends you cupcakes? Where are mine?
@NancyD68@HowieSPM Hey, I look quite dashing in that Speedo; I just have to remember the potato does not go in the back…………doh…………
@bdorman264 And as long as you keep waxing… @NancyD68 @HowieSPM
@HowieSPM And wouldn’t you know it; you feed that dude once you just can’t shake him; it’s like instant BFF.
@HowieSPMbdorman264 Energy Vampires suck!
@EricaAllison@bdorman264 yes literally Erica!
Great to read you here nancyd68 :)
All I can say is AMen (yes I know, not Church) but you hit the nail on the head for each one of those.
I recently started to remove myself from many people who just keep hating and whining all day.
Misery isn’t healthy and it sure isn’t sexy (oh! that word again ;)
I think we should routinely check who we are our companions on this journey called life.
shonali thanks for sharing your platform today, I’m a huge fan of Nancy.
@John Falchettoit’s ok if you never admit our friendship in order to keep your reputation in tact John. Just curious the damage @Shonali has had to hers having me on her blog here.
@HowieSPM@John Falchetto@Shonali LOL Howie
@HowieSPM I keep you around to a) provide comic relief :p, b) bring a refreshingly different viewpoint (even though you and I don’t always agree), and c) because when the Grand Alien comes, I want you to have my back. @John Falchetto
@John Falchetto I was so happy when shonali told me I could email her. Then I sent a few ideas, and here i am! Shonali was so kind and gracious to me. That is something everyone should learn. I choose to surround myself with people that I want to be like so that I can grow and learn.I am a huge fan of your John, and you already know how much you inspire me.
Misery is not sexy at all.
The sad part is, I have some friends who are miserable and while I do adore them, I can’t hang out with them too much because they drain me.
@NancyD68 I was so happy when you DID email me! I always, always want people to feel they can do that. And usually they do, but you acted on that first impulse and took it further, which a lot of people don’t. Thank you so much; I’m having so much fun getting to know you.
@John Falchetto I think Nancy is terrific. And you know you have a spot here with your name on it whenever you want to GP… right?
I too have been weeding out Misery. Actually, I learned to do this shortly after high school. At the time, there was someone who was one of my “best friends,” and then I heard she’d been talking smack (is that the term?) about me. I couldn’t figure it out, and it upset me deeply, so I just cut her out. Years later we reconnected, both being older and a little wiser. But that’s my first memory of actually taking charge of the people I surround myself with. I have a lot of acquaintances, many friends, but only a few REALLY good friends. And the latter don’t always tell me how great I am – they tell me when I’m messing up too. But it comes from the right place.
@Shonali@John Falchetto I only recently began to choose my friends more carefully. My really good friends will tell me when I am doing something wrong. I don’t want people around who will drag me down, but I also don’t need to be coddled. You are so right about it coming from the right place. Some just want to make us feel bad. I have no time for people like that.
My closest friends know what I have come through in my life and are proud of what I have been able to accomplish and they also do keep me grounded.
@John Falchettonancyd68shonali Oh, so that’s where you went; I knew the whining would eventually wear you down……………:).
@bdorman264@John Falchetto@NancyD68@Shonali uhm Whining? you meant ‘Winning’ right? Like Charlie Sheen?
@HowieSPM@John Falchetto@NancyD68@Shonali Same thing, right?
@HowieSPM@bdorman264@John Falchetto So yesterday I learned that “winningest” is apparently a word. Seriously? Only in America…
@John Falchettonancyd68shonali Oh, so that’s where you went; I knew the whining would eventually wear you down……………:).