Today’s post has been a few months in the making, and a lot of people contributed to it.
Now, you’re probably wondering what a “barfshiner” is. You won’t find a definition in any dictionary, as far as I can tell, but the word came about thanks to Jill Foster and Erica Holt who, despite never having met each other (to the best of my knowledge), came together via the comment thread on a recent question I asked via Facebook and Twitter:
“Do you secretly want to puke when you consistently see ‘rah rah’ Facebook updates from certain people?“
And I must give credit to Donna Vincent Roa for suggesting the title of this post.
Image: dj0ser via Flickr, CC 2.0
I really had no idea what a chord this would strike among people. I’ve lost count of how many responses I got via Twitter (thank you Jen Zingsheim for rescuing me from Facebook-search-hell). This particular FB post got, I believe, 51 comments and, yes, some of those included my replies to comments, but still, that’s a pretty big number for me.
Truly, I wasn’t trying to be a curmudgeon
(though I can be plenty curmudgeonly when it’s called for, ha, take that, Lorne Pike). It was my reaction to seeing a spate of social media status updates that came across (granted, to me) as overly-inspirational or doggedly in the pursuit of convincing everyone else that, “Gee, folks, I have SUCH a great life, LOOK at me, I’m super-duper-califradgilistically-awesome!”
I have no idea if I spelled that write right, so don’t get all crazy on me now, it’s a made-up word to begin with. And I was curious to see if others reacted the same way.
Now, I’m not all that much of a curmudgeon. You’ve seen me say “Good morning!” countless times on Twitter and Facebook, and I confess to using far too many smiley face emoticons in SM.
But I think there’s a difference between that and relentlessly posting updates that basically say how great your life is, all the time … because, by inference, what you’re really saying to everyone else is that their life sucks … all the time.
For example, yesterday Gini Dietrich shared quite candidly about how she’s been a complete PITA over the last few days. To me, that’s a real person talking. Just as, if you were actually pick up the phone to call me, or even tweet me, and ask me how I was doing, I might say, “Just dandy!” or I might launch into a tale of woe. And no, I wouldn’t blame you for running as far as you could in the other direction, but the point I’m making is that with me, Gini, and many others I know, WYSIWYG. (Ask Davina Brewer for that translation, if you need it.)
This particular conversation thread on Facebook led to Erica (you can read her WUL postings regularly if you subscribe, cough cough) sharing a piece from Slate titled The Anti-Social Network. JZ (that’s Jen Zingsheim, not the other JayZee) wrote a really thoughtful post not long after this Facebook exchange on whether or not social media makes us unhappy.
My point is
Real people have days that are up and down. If you and I talk frequently on Twitter or Facebook, for example, and I suddenly notice a dearth of posts from you (or vice versa) I’m going to wonder what’s going on with you. Because that’s the way life goes, right?
When you’re really chipper, you’re ready to share it. When you’re not, you may not want to, except among a very close circle of friends. Maybe that dearth of posts is due to work overload, personal crap, who knows what.
But if you’re “always on,” how will I know when the real you is surfacing?
There seems to me to be a tendency among social media users to project an “always happy” self-image to the world, regardless of what’s actually going on deep down. If we’re going to talk about authenticity in social networking, shouldn’t we at least try to accurately portray what’s going on offline, online?
That doesn’t mean that we have to moan and groan about our woes all the time. But it does mean, at least to me, that we’re not going to pretend everything’s hunky-dory when it’s not. So that way, when we’re really, truly, happy, it resonates.
And the people who do … those are the ones I think of as social media barfshiners.
What do you think? As always, the comments are yours, so please please PLEASE bring it on.
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[…] how we collectively coined the word “barfshiner” a while back? (Which reminds me, I still have to get it into the Urban Dictionary.) That was […]
[…] not a barfshiner, and I certainly don’t think social media’s impact on our world and lives is all […]
Love the term barfshiner and barfshiners can definitely make you sick, but I think we can all be guilty of it at times. I find that when I am shinning barf, it usually means that there is some barf in the vicinity, and I “think” that by giving it a little spit shine no one else will notice it.
@JimmyVinicky LOL! Well… I think there’s a difference between having a positive outlook and being sickeningly sunny ALL the time, especially when posting in SM. The latter is more where we were going with barfshining…
@mark.sofman What’s stopping you?!
@Shonali I want top make like Ralph Kramden and tell a few folks, “To the moon!”
@mark.sofman I want to go to Galapagos.
@Shonali @mark.sofman I’ll settle for virtual tourism for now, but it’s good to know that one can actually get to these places http://bit.ly/lXQe6U and http://bit.ly/jYJUnb ;-)
@Lisa Gerber Sounds VERY much like someone I know… or several people I know. That kind of stuff drives my husband crazy too. You should hear him get on the phone with his brother (they discuss someone in common who does the same thing) about it. The funny thing is – this person is SO not like in real life. Aaargh.
Ok, I knew you were striking a chord with me on this and I couldn’t think of who it was that it was reminding me of. (really poorly constructed sentence, I recognize). and now I remember because I HID him from my newsfeed. I didn’t unfriend him because I didn’t think he deserved that and I do live in a small town ya know. I have to be nice even if it goes against my nature.
He is a life coach and personal trainer so his updates are all about getting up with a smile on your face, sunshine in your eyes, working out like a mad man, getting on the bike for the 6th time today, loving his wife, how amazing his kids are and how they changed his life. It made me so sick, I finally hid the barfshiner.
@mark.sofman Or you could just sign up to get the Travelzoo VIP newsletter…
@Sean McGinnis @Soulati | PR I think there was a SMD tweetup or something, but since it was my husband’s birthday, I stayed offline after a couple of hours in the morning. And if SMD is always going to on June 30, that’s how it’s always going to be. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
@Soulati | PR LOL! Barfshiner. I still have to add it to the Urban Dictionary – will try to do that today. I don’t think you’re one, FWIW. @Sean McGinnis @Gini Dietrich
Oh, no, not THAT! Please NO PARADES for SM Barfshiners! Has any one considered how much political SM barfshining we will see more and more of in the next 18 months. I’ll probably have to ask Bill Shatner if Priceline has a good price on flights to St. Helena or Diego Garcia. ;-)
@Soulati | PR @Gini Dietrich Woot woot! Now THAT’s social influence! Bust Soulatis chops and she zooms over here to comment. Wonder of Klout accounted for that little exchange in their algorithm…. LOL
In all seriousness, this thread needs to be reinvigorated because TODAY IS SOCIAL MEDIA DAY!!!!! A day devoted to the lowly social media barfshiner – when they are out rallying in full force (is there a social med barfshiner parade in your town yet?) @Shonali
I have been told to not talk about down days online as it is not professional. I was like really and how fricking “authentic” is that one? #justsayin @ginidietrich
I just got called out by seanmcginnis and I’m trying to rectify my embarrassment over not zeroing in on YOU ALWAYS. Will change my errant ways; now about being a barfscheiner (how did you spell that?), still not sure I am one, but if I get to be in such good company as you and @Gini Dietrich , my twin/we are the same person, then that’s cool with me. Hi, Sean! See, I’m commenting!
@Lisa Gerber I think you may have stumbled upon the next big drinking game. “Can you read your own status update out loud without barfshining? If not – drink up!”
Awesome awesome topic. I often think about that without putting the thoughts together. I know I don’t post as much when I’m no “on”, or I’ll post about things that aren’t personal. So we do portray this sense of rosiness on our social networks, but the Barfshiners!! OMG. I know exactly what you mean.
To me, the true test of a barfshiner; if you read their status out loud and you wouldn’t say it conversationally? They are a barfshiner. I’m learning so much from you today, Shonali. A whole new vocabulary.
Gini Dietrich cough cough…
I’m headed there next!
And Davina Kristi Brewer, I couldn’t tag you earlier b/c of the FB limits, but you’re in it too!
@sabera You absolutely used “barfshining” correctly. Though I’m giggling a little at the fact that now we are conjugating a word that doesn’t exist, heh!
I’m so glad you had fun reading this post, and I’m sorry I couldn’t reply earlier – I’ve been at #BWENY and just getting a chance to catch up. “Toxic” is such a great Indianism. I miss my Indianisms.
Thanks for stopping by!
Wow. Love this post! And loving the comments even more. I am reading this at a time when life is especially complicated at the moment and I have drastically reduced my usual tweeting and facebook-ing with fellow food bloggers for far too long. Needless to say, my blog too is not being updated as frequently as it should, and that has a direct impact on the community I have worked so hard to build. Honestly, I don’t believe in being fake and I believe in authenticity of content. So when some food bloggers ooh and aah and dole out the words ‘love’ and ‘gorgeous’ and ‘sweetie’ liberally over others’ not-so-well-photographed or -written recipes and posts (so they get more hits + followers), I don’t get it. It’s toxic (as they say in mumbai) and plain obnoxious. And that to me is ‘Barfshining’ (did I use that correctly?) I’d rather just stay true to my own voice.
@mark.sofman @DonnaVincentRoa @Shonali Hey, I knew that one. ;-)
@DonnaVincentRoa @Shonali Donna – ROFLMAO goes, in my experience, back to the days of Compuserve listservs all of 15-16 years ago. It means Rolling On Floor Laughing My Ass Off.
@DonnaVincentRoa Rolling On the Floor Laughing My Ass Off. I’d love to have lunch, I will call you!
@Shonali I am never short on ideas. Let’s have lunch soon. May 31 or June 7? Give me a call. And can you tell me what ROFLMAO stands for in Mark’s post? My lack of texting is killing me with the acro’s.
[…] TweetWell, we had some fun this past week, didn’t we? What with a ton of folk chiming in on who might or might not be a barfshiner, Ken Mueller and Heather Shinn Thomas coining the word “grouchiac” to denote the […]
whoa! Can see how “BarfShiner” is gonna make it to the Oxford Dictionary soon enough!
That being said its been quite a post , the comments range from the offbeat to people being defensive about being Barfshiners to the what not. Either way if you over do a state of emotion it just reflects lack of emotional maturity or just insecurity. And over doing it in real life or online ( which these days is real enough) just makes you unnatural and eventually avoided ( by others).
@mark.sofman@mark.sofman
@Shonali @timepass @ericaholt @Jillfoster
@Shonali LOL This coinage will get ample play then. Cool. @timepass @ericaholt @Jillfoster
@mark.sofman Definitely. @timepass @ericaholt @Jillfoster
@bdorman264 @LornePike I can’t imagine anyone calling either of you douchebags.
@Shonali @HeatherShinnThomas @KenMueller thanks guys! I have my work cut out for me to catch up to you 10k followers :-)
@Shonali @timepass @ericaholt @Jillfoster Here’s a hypothetical, only half in jest. One of my relatives by marriage is an endlessly high-decibel declaimer of the wonders of her wondrous children. They are “perfect,” “brilliant,” “dedicated,” yada yada yada and zero negatives. Sure my nieces and nephews are great kids and as far as I know, great human beings. But what I want to know is: is she BarfShining when she does this at a family gathering as opposed to via social media?
@Shonali @mark.sofman @bdorman264 Thanx! There was a certain je ne sais quoi that caused me to do some barking up a couple of trees. ;-)
Mullets are cool where I live………..
@Shonali @ginidietrich Some of us just can’t help it; it’s very easy to be this way when you have a simple mind. Trust me, I’m not that deep…….:)
@mark.sofman @DonnaVincentRoa @KenMueller @HeatherShinnThomas That’s too funny!
@mark.sofman I also note this is the first time you’ve had such a lengthy convo on WUL, Mark… in fact, I think it’s the first time you’ve commented. Gold star! @bdorman264
@ginidietrich It always seems to me that’s such a stressful thing to do. You see someone going on and on about how great everything is, all the time, and you start to wonder what you’re doing wrong. That’s why I think they’re lying, if not to us, then to themselves. Even if they’re doing it to make themselves feel better… wouldn’t it be better if they actually faced up to whatever it was and got on with things?
@mark.sofman @Shonali @bdorman264 heh, guess it depends on how badly you need that caffeine hit. ;-)
@ginidietrich Agree, it feels lie it’s about image. You can admit your failures but only once you’ve overcome, achieved success. We all have days good and days that totally stink, kinda silly to pretend otherwise.
@bdorman264 @Shonali I think so.
@Shonali @bdorman264 @3HatsComm Well, yeah, sure. Esp. when all you want is a venti americano and you’re in line behind a group of 2 or three who want straw-rasp-dingleberry-frappo-capuchin-doubleshot-decaf-splenda-soy-skim-nowhip-WTFs.
@Shonali @mark.sofman Of course, we are getting smarter, right?
OMG @DonnaVincentRoa you just gave me a MAJORLY cool project to work on! I’m seeing an ebook, a whitepaper… what else? @timepass @ericaholt @Jillfoster
@Shonali @HeatherShinnThomas yeah! what she said!
@HeatherShinnThomas Not like @KenMueller and I are experts or anything, but you tell us if we can help you with anything, OK? What’s your Twitter handle?
@bdorman264 @3HatsComm Is it possible to be sad at Starbucks?
@bdorman264 And I think we have to give @mark.sofman props for widening MY vocabulary, at least!
It’s hard because we live in this world of overnight success and no failure. It’s total BS, but people don’t talk about the down days or weeks or months or years. So we hear about the success and the huge milestones and we hold ourselves to that standard. Internally we talk a lot about how EVERYONE puts their pants on one leg at a time and, no matter how famous or rich or successful they seem, we’re all human beings. I’m with you – I prefer to know that everyone has bad days. Everyone.
[…] the two discuss a funny but insightful post by Shonali Burke, who asks: Are You a Social Media Barfshiner? The foundation of the post arose a few months back, when Shonali decried the over-the-top […]
I know; I’m being a goofus……….
@DonnaVincentRoa @Shonali @timepass @ericaholt @Jillfoster ROFLMAO! When that’s completed there’ll need to be a 12 step program for recovering barfshiners. “One post at a time.”
How about this one? “SMullet” as in “social media mullet” Would apply to one whose use of social media is less than stylish or hopelessly unfashionable. ;-)
@Shonali @timepass @ericaholt @Jillfoster Perhaps if you spread the word more about barfshining in general (a short survey to go with this wonderful article and amazing set of comments), it may raise additional awareness of the practice and cause a shift away from barfshining. I see Shonali developing a 5-point scale (with barfshining on one end and oscarnegatronic on the other end…need to work on 3 more labels?) and doing a content analysis of at least 20 Facebook users to test the tool. Then, you could set up the practice to provide analysis, advice and counsel. I know that since I was a part of the initial discussion, I’ve toned down my barfshining a bit and find myself applying the label to posts from those who only barfshine. Additionally, I am on the edge of removing the oscarnegatronics, however, I can’t bring myself to do so…yet. So, here’s to barfshining and oscarnegatronics research. Happy Friday.
@DonnaVincentRoa @Shonali @KenMueller @HeatherShinnThomas
While it’s not social media, one of these would be permitted, right? http://bit.ly/luBgIh
@Shonali @KenMueller @HeatherShinnThomas Oscarnegatronic – a person who consistently posts grouchy, negative, downbeat, and bad attitude posts on social media channels.
@bdorman264 I’m referring to the lingo and coinages that so many self-improvement gurus (and/or charlatans) are prone to.
@3HatsComm @bdorman264 @Soulati Oh, and by the way….
@Soulati , @Shonali . @Shonali@soulat !
Sorry, always wanted to do that. Is also why I think I’m gonna start calling Shonali Grasshopper instead……
@3HatsComm @Soulati I think we’re all made up of parts introvert and extrovert. Which one comes out to play depends on the role we are playing at the time.
I mentioned the same thing to @ginidietrich not long ago. Put me in a room of 300 strangers, and I’m a complete wallflower. Put me in a room of 300 friends or acquaintances and I’m like the Mayor of Chicago, making introductions and connecting people. It’s crazy, but true. :)
@HowieSPM @Shonali @bdorman264 Gumby has the quite natural effect of picking up the entire office. Must be his green-ness….
@Shonali @KenMueller No, I will have to follow you folks on Twitter (altho my Twitter usage is in its infancy!)
@bdorman264 @Sean McGinnis @Soulati Do I hug, of course. Am I a ‘hugger’ hugs everyone all the time person, probably not.
@3HatsComm @jenzings I went to Starbucks and I was the happiest guy there.
You said what?
Could it be that barfshiners are using (cue pre/por-tentous soundtrack) social media as “self-talk?” I fear going farther into the barfshine cesspool of industrial grade self-improvement neologisms, so I’ll leave it at that.
Could it be that barfshiners are using (cue pre/por-tentous soundtrack) social media as “self-talk?” I fear going farther into the barfshine cesspool of industrial grade self-improvement nelogisms, so I’ll leave it at that.
@HeatherShinnThomas Did you see @KenMueller and I used Grouchiac on Twitter yesterday?!
@bdorman264 Yes, I like that saying as well. But there’s a difference between being constantly negative and calling it like it is, no?
@3HatsComm I like silly TV shows more than serious business books too! Davina, you are definitely not a barfshiner, at least, according to me.
@3HatsComm @Sean McGinnis @Soulati But are you a hugger?
@HowieSPM @Shonali @Sean McGinnis Easy indeed….
@3HatsComm @KenMueller @Shonali @MattLaCasse @LornePike @ginidietrich Ever
@HowieSPM if its wet and its not yours, don’t touch it……
@3HatsComm @jenzings You know what this means! Gotta start using the #BarfShiner hashtag! whooo!
Don’t like, I bloody LOVE Barfshiner and will find a way to use it in my vocab. I’m a would-be barfshiner except I hate that crap. I’m also not a fan of friends whose FB updates are all “kids! jobs! spouses!” but nada about them.. so like @jenzings I know I can change the channel. I say ‘would-be’ b/c I don’t want to post nothing but RAH RAH or nothing but WHAAA WAHHH either. My vanity leans towards updates of the ‘having fun on vacay aren’t I fabulous’ updates but then I have to temper that, mock myself for breaking into a run for Internet access, point out my own lameness.
And for all my “wizzywig” ;-) I am quick to remind folks, that yes this is real. I like Despair more than Successories, I like my silly TV shows more than serious business books, I have days good and bad. But this is not the whole me and for all I share, there is plenty more I keep to myself or secret Twitter friends, as I should. IDK.. I don’t want to overshare so I think I undershare, but then.. it’s also my way. FWIW.
@KenMueller @Shonali @LornePike jenzings richandcreamy @ericaholt @Jillfoster isn’t ALL of Facebook and Twitter and MOST blogpost comments are in essence small talk. The only long talk is blog posts themselves and when people like me write blog posts in response in the comment section. But I think any banter of 3 sentences or less each exchange is small talk.
@KenMueller @Shonali @MattLaCasse @LornePike @ginidietrich No such thing as too much queso either.
@Sean McGinnis I was just talking to @Soulati on her blog today about me being introverted.. until you get to know me. Then it’s look out!! ;-) It will depend on who you are, in what context I share things. There are times it’s much easier to open up to a stranger than a friend, but then.. now gotta make sure no one reblogs or tweets that.. “so and so just said they’re having the crappiest day EVER.” Hmm.. also still thinking.
@Shonali @bdorman264 @Sean McGinnis very easy to be cheery Mr. Sean when you mingle with Gumby’s all i can say.
@KenMueller @Shonali @LornePike jenzings richandcreamy @ericaholt @Jillfoster Word.
@Shonali @bdorman264 Bill I definitely see that crumudgeon pessimist type you see normally lurking around pool halls, off track betting and the frozen food aisle of your local market muttering trying to divide the price by number of pounds. Plus you said wet blanket. That now makes this post R rated.
@Shonali Very much. I am very intense and quite passionate. You know when I am happy and you know when I am not. i don’t expect or need everyone to be like me, but I can’t help but wonder about those who never show us anything but the one side.
You know, like invisible bloggers from Florida. I wonder and worry about them. Just can’t help it.
@Sean McGinnis @bdorman264 At that point I think the person isn’t authentic, but a Grouchiac or a Barfmoaner!
@bdorman264 @Sean McGinnis I used to have a lot of trouble biting my lip too, because like Sean, I’d been having the conversation in my head/figuring out how it would go. I do a little better now, but I’m still learning. I know how horrid it is to be interrupted, so I’m really trying, believe me!
@TheJackB Kind of like being a one-note actor, no?
@bdorman264 So just to make sure you know… I don’t think you’re a barfshiner. You come across as genuinely interested in other people (the cricket example) and you go out of your way to connect with them, and not in a brownnosing kind of way either.
And heck, this is as much your post as mine! I saw your post about your volunteer work. Loved it, and I have to come by and comment, it’s just been one of those days for me too…
@bdorman264 I like that about you, that you smile a lot. But I can tell it’s real, and not fake. I smile a lot too, I’m not a pretty sight when I’m frowning, LOL.
Cricket rules!
@bdorman264 @Shonali I suppose there is the possbility of being “too” authentic, if everything’s always negative, and three layers deeper than you actually intended when you asked “how you doing?” LOL!
If you are happy and you know it stamp your feet………..I’m not a rah, rah happy guy; but I am a happy guy. I won’t be syrupy, but when I approach you 99 times out of 100 I will have a smile on my face. It’s just me, but I do find people open up to that.
I don’t like artificial happy and I’m ok with you being yourself; what I don’t want is you to be the complainer about and bringing me down. I will listen if you have a legitimate beef, but don’t expect me to join in.
If you are that wet blanket person, we can hang together because I get along w/ most; but it won’t be often. I seek out humor and I find it in the weirdest things. Maybe that’s why its a good thing to have such a simple mind, huh?
Good to see you ma’am and I’m off to another event. I still need to get back to your post yesterday.
Cricket still rules……..and I was a big hit w/ my 5th grade reading group when I mentioned Sachin and my buddy Jay had to explain to his friends what that was all about.
@KenMueller I don’t filter and my wife kicks me in the leg more times than not for TMI, but I’m an open book; I think if you met me it would be like you have known me. I am a happy person for no other reason than being happy; it is genuine and that’s all I will say about it.
@LornePike I’ve been called a douchebag and a dicknozzle but never a barfshiner……just sayin’………but I’ve never heard that word before so I might need to start breaking it out. Good or bad, I’m that happy guy; people always ask what are you smiling about. I think it’s because when I’m talking to you I picture you naked and it’s not always a pretty sight; isn’t that what they say to do to feel comfortable talking in front of an audience?
I don’t know you Lorne but I sure hope you have a sense of humor…………..
@Sean McGinnis @Shonali We had a person in our office and the joke was “whatever you don’t ask her how she is doing”…..because it was never well and she would give you the blow by blow down to the smallest detail. If you passed her in the hall it was like “don’t make eye contact”……..
I’m really working on my listening and I don’t go as far as finishing a sentence but I have to bite my lip not to over talk and make sure I ‘really’ listen to what is being said.
@Sean McGinnis I’m very similar; but if I’m not feelin’ it you might get a ‘not too bad’ instead of a fabulous or fantastic.
If you don’t have anything good to say it’s better to say nothing at all? Don’t be the cancer in the office…………..
Barfshiner huh? Let me ask you, what persona do I project and whatever it is, do you think it’s genuine?
I know, this is your post and I’m supposed to be answering the questions and I do have an answer but no time.
I did get your e-mail about the non-profit but haven’t been able to open it yet. This has been a crazy wk for me in more ways than one; I can’t wait to come back and jump in.
@Shonali @jenzings ha – thanks for the tag on barfmoaners :-) I guess the moral of the story is that we have to work with both of our “barf” hats depending on the occasion!
@Shonali @lindsaynball Thanks for the kind words! I’m glad you enjoyed the post (and the About Me!).
I tune out the people who never show themselves. I want honesty and authenticity. If you don’t show me more than one side I begin to lose interest.
@Shanan This barfshiner word is really taking on a life of its own…
Yes, you do see it offline too. But it’s normally easier to cut through the crap offline, isn’t it?
@EveHogard Ooh. Thank you!
@lindsaynball I love your post! I also like this line in your “About” bit: “I am currently employed and would like to keep it that way.” Heh.
@jenzings Yes, exactly. That’s why I sometimes “shut down” as well. If I’m in a bad mood, no need to inflict it on anyone else.
@jenzings You’re welcome, and thank you for helping me find the thread! Like I said in my original comment on your post, I loev your light and funny stuff… because you’re not Pollyanna-ish at all.
I’m going to switch hats and stop being a barfmoaner for a change (thanks @HeatherShinnThomas !) and admit that these posts must make the posters feel better… so if it does that, good for them. And maybe they do “inspire” others too. What I struggle with, when I see them, is that they just don’t feel real at all. But maybe that’s just me.
@HeatherShinnThomas @KenMueller Oh, I love Grouchiacs and Barfmoaners!
…and, by the way, I just read Gini’s post, and that’s a large part of why I strive to stay positive–I get exactly where she’s coming from–it’s called social contagion theory. Basically the thought is that attitudes can spread. Negative ones spread more quickly than positive, and those in leadership’s attitudes spread very quickly throughout an office. For me, at least, it’s never a false happiness, but even when everything is going wrong and I’m feeling out of control (I *hate* that!–yoga does wonders), I try not to project a bad mood!
I really find this topic quite interesting, thanks again for posting Shonali!
@KenMueller @Shonali @LornePike jenzings richandcreamy @ericaholt To honor the authentic premise of @Shonali’s post, I sheepishly admit that I’ve been mostly offline this week in a bionic bout with stomach flu. Indeed this is another dimension of ‘barfshiner’ that could’ve been left….unaddressed. But the metaphorical allure was just too, too appealing. OMG, TMI, etc.
I completely agree. I tune out the barfshiners because they don’t seem genuine and I turn off the excessively depressing because I don’t need that negativity. While I think there is value in putting your best face forward for the situation (more on that here: http://ow.ly/4Nzym), it still needs to be the real you which I think is the key thing that is lacking when people post those updates. Good post and interesting topic, Shonali!
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=barfshiner
here’s your chance to share your word with the world :)
good luck out there!
@KenMueller @Shonali @MattLaCasse @LornePike @ginidietrich I thought I heard my name; cricket rocks………..Sachin rules. I’ll be back…..
@Shonali @KenMueller Hmm…I do like uber-Eeyores. Maybe Grouchiacs (as in Grouch Maniacs), Grumblers, Eeyoritis…or maybe Barfpiling or Barfmoaners?
SM gives people an opportunity present the version of themselves they would like to be not necessarily who they are. You see it offline too. Barfshiners aren’t new. They just have a new tool to share their barfshiner-y with.
@KenMueller LOL!
@Shonali @LornePike @KenMueller @ginidietrich I don’t think anyone I’m friends with is Pollyanna. I don’t tolerate that crap. I much prefer to address each situation as it is, rather than act like a positive version of Chicken Little. I am an optimist and choose to see the good in each situation, but barfshiners annoy the crap out of me.
@KenMueller @MattLaCasse @LornePike @ginidietrich bdorman264 I’ll explain it to you. Or you could just watch “Lagaan.” That’s how my husband (who lived in England for years without ever understanding the game) finally got it.
@Shonali That’s so true. We’ve become, as a society, very comfortable in our conventions – and the auto-response to “how you doing?” is one of those classics.
I’m also one of those people that are trying to predict what people are going to ask or say. Sometimes that happens in my head, and sometimes it manifests as me finishing peoples’ sentences – which I know is REALLY annoying.
To my way of thinking, that problem I have is related to the auto-response – they both are symptoms of not “living int he moment”. The auto-response issue is also a great big hair elephant in the room during telephone conversations too….
@KenMueller @HeatherShinnThomas Something with “Oscar” in it (Oscar the Grouch)…?
@LornePike @KenMueller ginidietrich wait until you see what it does for your skin! FABULOUS! ;)
There are certainly status updates that get under my skin, but my approach is to realize that Facebook serves a specific purpose to each person who uses it. Perhaps those status updates are overly sunny because that person needs to feel that way. It’s like the teevee, if I don’t like what’s on, I turn it off or change the channel. I’m a very positive person in general–the only “downer” posts I remember specifically where when my wonderful and much-loved dog was dying. I’m also very mindful that my Facebook circles encompass a lot of different people, some of whom do not know me in a personal capacity versus a work capacity. Perhaps it’s years in politics, but I generally keep things light & funny.
Thanks for the link to the post! I believe there is much to learn about how societal interactions are shifting due to the type of connectedness FB affords us.
@Shonali just be careful. my brain has bigger cracks in it than your deck. If you get your heel stuck in my head like that, it could get ugly.
@KenMueller Are you kidding? Stop dancing? In these shoes –> http://mybadassshoes.posterous.com/3-of-total-badassness Dream on, Ken. (Cue the guitar…)
@Shonali @MattLaCasse @LornePike @ginidietrich bdorman264 I want to understand cricket badly. I think I’d like it if someone could sit there and explain it to me. I finally understand curling and I love it! But I’ve read the rules of cricket online, and my eyes glaze over….
@Shonali @HeatherShinnThomas Uber-Eeyores? PermaEeyores?
@KenMueller @MattLaCasse @LornePike @ginidietrich Or cricket. Right bdorman264 ?
@Kansas City Website Design I’m just waiting for the haters to pile on now, LOL.
@HeatherShinnThomas @KenMueller Now you’ve got me thinking, Heather… hmm… we gotta come up with something. I love the phrase “out-Eeyore”… could we say “outEeyorer”? I guess that’s too convoluted, eh? And thank you for stopping by!
Love it Shonali! I do agree that we need to find a word for the opposite of a barfshiner, because those folks who are trying to out-Eeyore folks (as @KenMueller said). Those are the ones that grate on me the most and I tend to skip their posts (or hide them as you said too). However, “barfshiner” is now officially my word of the week :_)
@Shonali I’ll look it up. Hopefully it isn’t cost prohibitive! And yeah, the armchair is fine, but did you have to wear those heels? stop dancing up there!
@Shonali @MattLaCasse @LornePike @ginidietrich Yep. Too much of anything sucks. Except for coffee and baseball. Can’t get enough of those. Think of the people who only talk about their business. Yawn. boring. One-dimensional.
@KenMueller Seems what people like us react to is the “all the time” part of it… no? @MattLaCasse @LornePike @ginidietrich
@KenMueller You should definitely go to IPR then! It’s a great conference… have you been before?
As to the armchair is that better?
I’ve never heard the term, but I’ll definitely add “barfshiner” to my vocab. I find it funny that people post things like that… day in, day out… and, as their friend you know their outlook on life is not THAT positive ALL THE TIME. Anyway… good post, Shonali. You said what needed to be said.
@Shonali @MattLaCasse @LornePike @ginidietrich I get tired of the inspiration quotes. Especially from those who do it all the time. Also, the passive aggressive, finger shaking quotes, telling the rest of us what not to do. Yes, I have been guilty of this, but some do it soooo often.
@Shonali tmarklein hmm. could you move the armchair to the left a little? it’s giving me a tiny headache. And Philly is just 90 minutes or so away (it’s my hometown!!!!) I might have to check it out. Can I be your roadie?
@ericaholt We had so much fun on that thread, didn’t we?
@LornePike @KenMueller @MattLaCasse @ginidietrich Uh oh!
@richandcreamy @Shonali I can’t make blogworld, sadly! Wish I could.
@MattLaCasse @LornePike @KenMueller @ginidietrich It’s the Pollyanna stuff I meant. I’m pretty upbeat & WYSIWYG as well, aren’t I… or am I just deluding myself and all of you are just putting up with me?!
@KenMueller @MattLaCasse ginidietrich This is going to immediately either drive up or drive down sales of Cristal!
@KenMueller That’s what I think too!
@richandcreamy You’re so cute! @LornePike jenzings @ericaholt @Jillfoster @KenMueller
@richandcreamy How about #BWENY?! Are you going there?
@KenMueller I thought that would be a more positive way of putting it, without barfshining all over you. Dude, maybe *you* should be sitting in my armchair that’s in your brain. :p
How far is Lancaster from Philly? tmarklein reminded me that IPR & PRSA are co-hosting the Measurement Summit there in September…
@KenMueller @Shonali Blog World LA anybody? :D
@Shonali @LornePike jenzings @ericaholt @Jillfoster @KenMueller Oh man I really need to get to bed and wake up at 10:30am :/ As far as any blanket greeting that happens on social media, I know it is a cue to respond. If you walk into a coffee shop or any other social space where blanket greetings are expected you can either respond or ignore. Telling someone that their greeting to you is lame makes you the douche bag.
@Shonali Wait. We’re gonna meet? Do you know something I don’t? Actually, we’re not that far from each other. Road trip!!!!
@Shonali @LornePike jenzings richandcreamy @ericaholt @Jillfoster @KenMueller
@Sean McGinnis But what I’ve seen of you, I don’t think you’re a barfshiner!
I tend to be more non-committal with people I don’t feel very comfortable with though, frankly, that’s a lesson I’ve had a hard time learning. My natural inclination is to be absolutely honest. Which led to some rather startled reactions when I first moved to the US, because when people said, “How’re you doing?”, sometimes I’d say, “Actually, not that good.” And then they’d have no idea how to respond, LOL!
@Shonali @LornePike jenzings richandcreamy @ericaholt @Jillfoster there is nothing wrong with the Good morning. People who have problems with that are the people who believe that every tweet and status update must be calculated to be nothing but relevant content. I’m sorry, but small talk etc, IS a big part of being SOCIAL.
Mostly I find all of it very entertaining. I think this is what social media is mostly about quite honestly, fun! Chatting about barfshining induces laughter (for me at least) , which is good for stress reduction and such. As long as you don’t do too much extreme barfshinig or downerizing, I think we’re all doing just fine.
@MattLaCasse @LornePike ginidietrich dang. now I have to stop bathing in Cristal???
I’d like to believe that I’m not a barfshiner, and that I’m very much a WYSIWYG type guy, but I must admit that much like @LornePike and @KenMueller , I’m a very upbeat and positive person. If I’m in a bad mood, or feeling down, I typically don’t post because I don’t need to spread my rain cloud around. And that goes back to your online reputation. Similar to what ginidietrich said in her Facebook privacy post last week, why let one negative post ruin a potential client relationship or tarnish my reputation (which I believe is a good one and one that I’ve worked hard to develop)?
All of that said, I the pollyanna status updates drive me up the wall. I do enjoy seeing inspirational quotes, or seeing updates with really great news that someone wants to share, but constantly tweeting or FB updating things of, “I’m taking a bath in Cristal while using French caviar for my afternoon facial” or something along those lines, make me want to take a baseball bat to my computer so I won’t have to read those anymore. Just be real folks. Being yourself is ALWAYS the best option.
Great post Shonali! I have to say there are times when I’m both. It depends on whether or not I know you well. If we’re mere acquaintances, and you ask me “how ya doing?” you’ll get an automatic “FABULOUS!” response. Sometimes I find myself cringing at that response, not because its not true, but because the response is not one that comes from me living in the moment, but from the more automated responses we all give each other as we carry out our daily responsibilities.
On the other hand, if I know you well, and trust you enough to just “be myself” I’m more than fine with living in the moment, and being much more WYSIWYG.
Hmmm. Sounds like something I need to work on more…. :)
Thanks for getting me thinking this morning.
@LornePike To set the record straight, Lorne, I do NOT think you’re a barfshiner at all! In fact, when I was going through that thread, and thank heavens jenzings helped me find it, I think I said that it wasn’t one of your posts that prompted the question.
You know, it’s interesting about the “Good morning!” thing I do. Sometimes I don’t, ‘cos it’s too late, or I just don’t feel like it, but I do like the way it connects me with people I may not interact with all that regularly. And it’s funny that richandcreamy now takes that as a sign it’s time for him to go to bed. :p (Richie! Get your sleep!!) A while back, there was actually someone on Facebook who sent me a LONG message about how my “good morning” updates were pretty inane and that he “expected more of me.” I was really taken aback… I didn’t know it bugged anyone that much. But then, he could just ignore it, right? And frankly, if he expected more, he should be reading this blog et al. :p
Let’s see if @ericaholt and @Jillfoster can come up with a word that’s the opposite of barfshiner. Truth be told, I don’t pay too much attention to those folks either. Like @KenMueller , I appreciate the use of a filter.
@KenMueller My feeling about you is that you are indeed a WYSIWYG person, so it will be interesting to see if that’s the case when we meet IRL. :p I think your point about filtering is a really good one, Ken. I mean, some things we just don’t need to know about, and that’s not about NOT being authentic, it’s just maintaining some boundaries, as we’d do in our “real” lives.
@timepass That word was completely the work of @ericaholt and @Jillfoster . Initially, I thought “barfs” would work, but then Erica used “barfshiner” in one of her comments, and it stuck.
You know, it takes a lot for me to actually block a person. After all, for some reason I connected with them (or they connected with me), and I always try to remember that. So I just don’t respond, though I’m usually rolling my eyes when I see that type of post. And thanks to the way Facebook has set it up, the less you interact with someone there, the less their posts show up in “top news” – so that helps too. However, a few weeks ago I did “hide” posts from one guy I don’t know that well, and whose posts are overly political – that’s just not my cup of tea. As far as I can tell, he hasn’t noticed. :p
Interesting post, Shonali! Hmmm, am I a barfshiner? I have to admit no one has ever called me that to my face, but maybe that’s what they’re thinking. Truth is, some people do like to brighten up a room if they can, even when they’re feeling down themselves. Me, I try to be sincere; I just really am upbeat and happy most of the time, so my posts reflect that. On days when I’m down or irritated I will sometimes admit it. I’m just not down very often.
Sure, people may think, “Oh he’s just a barfshiner.” But in reality, like some cheery soul who says, “Good morning!” on Facebook and Twitter each day, I just feel it’s nice to hopefully give people a smile and remind them that maybe life is not so bad after all.
Now, what’s the opposite of a barfshiner? You know… the people who constantly deride others or complain about everything that happens. THOSE are the people I’d love to see changed, Shonali! Let’s see a post on those people. As for me, I’ll take a few more barfshiners any day, even if they are unwilling to share their bad days. To be honest, I wish I knew more of them!
I think I’m another WYSIWYG person. When people meet me, they’re often surprised how well they know me, based on how I interact via Facebook and Twitter. And I’m also pretty upbeat. For me, when I’m happy, you may hear about it. but I also have a filter, so I tend not to get all emo and wear my heart on my sleeve publicly. I can be a pretty private person, so for me, I’m very conscious what I put out there.
I think in addition to the danger of being a barfshiner, there are a lot of people who go the opposite way and spend most of their time online trying to out-Eeyore everyone else. “Oh my life is so miserable….” ad nauseum.
i want real people, who know how to filter. Too much in either direction can be….well…non-Muelleriffic!
Barfshiners? That’s a new one for me , definitely gonna use it !
But yeah, I totally get where you’re coming from, the overdose of positivity and love is not believable. While I tend to be more skeptical (and a bit more sarcastic) than the average person, I definitely get the impression that the other person is just “posing”. Invariably I ignore ( or block) the person.