Remember how we collectively coined the word “barfshiner” a while back? (Which reminds me, I still have to get it into the Urban Dictionary.) That was inspired, if you remember, by the constant (or so it seems to me) sunny and “shiny” updates one sees on Facebook that make one want to barf.
I guess I’ve gotten a little more used to it, so I don’t barf quite as much… or maybe I’m just “shining” more. I have, however, expanded the definition of the word to any social post that makes you want to barf, regardless of whether it’s sunshiny or not.
So, with a tip of the hat to Buzzfeed and all those sites that are constantly telling you how you’ll feel after you see/read/watch/hear the piece of content they are pushing, here are 27 things you should never post on Facebook if you don’t want to be thought of as a barfshiner. Many thanks to all my friends who pitched in and made this post what it is!
1. “Just sayin’.” ~ Amber Naslund
2. “97% of my friends don’t care enough about cancer awareness to share this post, but I know the ones who will …” ~ Rob Biesenbach
3. “Please like my page so that I can win an award for being the most liked.” ~ Rich Reader
4. “… you won’t believe what happens next.” ~ Tim Jackson
5. “If being in my pajamas by 7 pm is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.” ~ Shaun Dakin
6. Vaguebooking for attention (“Sigh…”) and humble-bragging. ~ Sarah Santucci
7. “Post/share if you ______ (have the nerve, want good luck/a miracle, don’t want to be cursed…).” ~ Laurie Bloom
8. Breaking. sentences. with. periods. Stop now! ~ Caryn Ginsberg
9. “Today is very tough for me. Please 11,324 people I know and consider dear, close friends… CONSOLE ME! TYPE NICE THINGS!” ~ Daniel Cohen
10. “Choose from these goofy pictures, and I’ll tell you what your favorite fruit would be if you were a monkey.” ~ (Prefers not to be identified.)
11. Ceaseless selfies from the same people. ~ Geoff Livingston
12. Endless pictures of cute kiddos #guilty ~ Scott Baradell
13. Reposting that stupid useless legal notice. ~ Karen Swim
14. Vague-booking. ~ (Prefers not to be identified.)
15. “I find that offensive.”~ (Prefers not to be identified.)
16. DMs like: “Your eyes r so pretty, you write me honey?” From strangers. ~ Janet Fouts
17. Photos of kids, mostly babies. Thank Goodness most new parents figure out quickly that no one wants to see photos of their baby that LOOKS LIKE EVERY BABY IN THE WORLD ….. But those first few months are sometimes mindblowingly awful. ~ Shaun Dakin
18. Cats. Cats. Cats. ~ Shaun Dakin
19. “Like if you remember…” ~ Jenni McLellan
20. “Just sayin’.” ~ Mark Sofman
21. X invited you to play (fill in the blank). ~Robert Udowitz
22. Ditto on the dramatic vaguebook stuff. ~ Joel Daniel Inwood
23. People linking their Twitter feed to Facebook and expecting that their tweets get attention from their Facebook friends. ~ Aditya Nishtala
24. Candy Crush Saga! ~ Rajesh Jacob
25. “It was private!” ~ Sohini Baliga
26. People liking their own posts. ~ Ann Marie van den Hurk
27. And finally, one from me: “Asking for a friend.”
What about you? Which are the Facebook status updates you could do without? I know we’re all, or have been, guilty of at least a few of these… after all, we’re human. But sharing is caring, so get it off your chest!