Criticism. When it’s good, it’s great.
It takes a big person to take criticism well. It takes an even bigger person to act on his/her own criticism. And by “big,” I don’t mean literally; I mean “big of heart or spirit,” as I believe King Arthur was, or any of your mythological heroes.
The criticizer
Take Brian Meeks‘ comment on the recent guest post by Erica Allison on vlogging.
Back story: I’ve come to know Erica over the last several months and think she’s killer smart, so asked her to guest post for me. I tend not to give my guest bloggers specific story ideas; I like to see what they come up with, I think it gives them more freedom. Since Erica is a frequent vlogger, however, as well as one who gave me such great tips on using video, I asked her to write a post (and vlog) on the subject. You can see for yourself that it was pretty well-received.
Here’s part of Brian’s comment:
That being said, I must respectfully disagree with the ‘Don’t edit’ comment. The reason most posts are so unwatchable is the speakers are simply horrific. Erica was a fair speaker, but stil said ‘Um’ 12 times. Most people say ‘um’ between every sentence and takes the sheen off the best produced videos. Editing out the ‘uhms’ from the audio track would have taken very little time. Better still, one could learn not to say them. Though it is common for athletes to speak this way, and even some CNN anchors, when speaking off the cuff, it isn’t found in a polished presentation.
Rhett, “Franky my dear, um, I don’t, you know, give a…um…damn.”
If he had said that, Scarlett would have just probably shrugged, “It’s fine, I can do better.”
When I read Brian’s comment, I couldn’t help but laugh (I mean, how many people would watch your video so closely as to count all the “uhms” and then rewrite “Gone With the Wind” to make a point?) while I waited for Erica to respond.
The criticized
Which she did, with immense grace. And, as a result, any of Brian’s quills that may have been quivering quietened themselves down, while some quite delightful banter then ensued.
Brian is not one to let a point go to waste, though. Erica’s post made him get off his patootie, go get a camera and mic, and get ready to vlog. I am really happy about this because Brian is one of the smartest and funniest people I know, and I can’t wait to see him on video. (His book, Henry Wood Detective Agency, will be coming out soon, and I highly recommend you get in line to buy it.)
So what could have been taken (by Erica) as an extremely critical comment was not, but turned into banter and a learning experience.
What could have been left as merely a comment (by Brian) was not, but turned into action that will (hopefully) help him promote his book and a learning experience.
The rest of us
I didn’t just learn a lot from Erica, but specifically from this comment thread:
- Jill Foster left Erica a video comment on testing audio levels (a video comment! How cool!);
- JackB also has dogs (at least one) who bark when they really shouldn’t, and may or may not be a zombie;
- Waxing UnLyrical is indeed a “safe place” for courteous (and, in this case, hilarious) disagreement.
Criticism. When it’s good, it’s great.
Image: Mickie Quick via Flickr, CC 2.0
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@KimDavies Go wipe out your Reader NOW! @EricaAllison
@bdorman264 I wasn’t hiding from you, just trying to figure out what to say…! I said @ExtremelyAvg is “one of” the smartest/funniest people I know. So there’s lots of room for more!
@EricaAllison Will do, Erica. The funny thing is I already forgot if I’ve added you to my reader or not. Heading over to your home now to see. :)
@EricaAllison @Shonali @Griddy – I wish I can do that. I just can’t. It would make me feels so guilty. :( Maybe you, guys, could like egg me on more. :D
@rachaelseda @bdorman264 – He sure is! :)
@bdorman264 You are a riot!
@ginidietrich I just talk louder; seems to work for me…….
Speaking of criticism, I thought you told me I was the smartest, funniest person you know. What? You didn’t think I was coming by today; like I wouldn’t see that? Brian gets all the attention; little does he know I have my sights set on his moniker. When I grow up I want to go from invisible to extremely average…..just sayin’..
When you hang around the knuckleheads I hang with, they don’t let you get away with anything. Just about the time you might be thinking you are somebody, they will crash you back to reality quickly. I love it though, because I can give and take with the best of them.
I’m staying away from @ExtremelyAvg though, he’s way smarter than any friends I have and he might find real holes in my game.
Enjoyed the post, hopefully I contributed something semi-intelligent today.
@Shonali @KimDavies @Griddy I like that, Shonali. Mark it all as read and start over from scratch! I get overwhelmed by what I missed and this just makes it OK to start again. Love it!
@KimDavies Come on over anytime, Kim! I’d love to see you. :)
I love it! At the end of the day we all have different opinions and we are all here to learn from each other. The important part is to keep a good attitude and healthy debate!
@Shonali @Griddy It’s my pleasure, Shonali. I am honored to know such wonderful people as Griddy who lead me to equally great people like you. :)
@KimDavies What a nice thing to say, how absolutely LOVELY to see you and thank you @Griddy !
I know, Google Reader gets so crazy, doesn’t it? I’ve gotten to the point where, if I’m going to be out of office/traveling for a few days, when I get back I just mark everything as “read” and start from scratch. I hate being reminded of how much I’m NOT reading, LOL.
I loved @jenzings point about taking criticism gracefully from people who don’t know how to give it. That’s a huge, huge lesson. It doesn’t mean one has to say “yes” or “no” to everything – but the way one reacts is key.
You have a great week too and thank you SO much for coming over – I hope to see you often!
Finally! I get to visit the beautiful and thought-inspiring Shonali! :)
Hi, Shonali. It took me Griddy’s recent post to get here at last. So sorry to have gotten lost in the way of trying to find time to visit your blog. And today seemed to be the day of being konked in the head as reminder for me. Hehehe! Because I have been meaning to visit Erica’s blog for the longest time and didn’t get around to doing it. I will definitely head on over there after going to Margie Clayman’s. (You, Stu and Margie are the ones mentioned in Griddy’s post that I haven’t had the chance of visiting yet.) I swear my Google Reader is so full now that it’s almost overflowing. Almost, but not quite. There is always room in my reader for great people. :)
So, on to criticism. I agree with you that when it’s good, it’s really great because it is something we all could learn from. But, when it’s given out rudely, harshly and basically hurtfully, I think people who will be reading it will see red immediately and fail to see whatever good thing that it could have offered. I haven’t had my share of criticisms yet, but in time, I know I will and I will surely let the world know about it and how I found it. :)
Glad to finally be here, Shonali. :) Have an amazing week!
Kim
@shonali @pasmithjr @ExtremelyAvg @Jillfoster Thank you! You’re all great!
@ginidietrich Zigackly. I think sometimes it gets into that grey area where a “big” blogger (for example, or someone who may have more visibility/notoriety in that specific field) decides to rip someone apart. They’re not trolls, but I have seen this happen – and it’s usually an ego thing. That really puts me off, and I think that can frighten people from commenting, or expressing their opinion.
@Soulati | PR No way am I deleting this, it’s a great ramble, er, comment! And you weren’t ignorantly absent – you’re busy. So you’re excused. :) I will go find the MC post…
@HowieSPM But then you’d deprive us of the natural beauty that is Howie. And we don’t want that.
@ExtremelyAvg Hilarious list – a blog post in itself. Especially #8-b.
@ginidietrich LOL, I loved that! @ExtremelyAvg
@jenzings “The outbreak of civility on this blog is always refreshing to watch.” Can I give you an extra big hug for that, Jen? What a nice thing to say… and really, props to everyone who participates here, because it speaks to their courtesy, doesn’t it?
@TheJackB Or ultraviolet? ;)
@HowieSPM Hey, Howie, be nice to @Griddy , she’s our friend! @EricaAllison
@ericamallison @soulati I wish I could have “liked” Erica’s reply!
@mikedonatello @jenzings I just saw this… you guys crack me up!
This is a very, very important conversation because we see a lot of people being criticized in the online world and those who are on the receiving end, rather than listen, say, “Haters will always hate.” But you see, that’s the wrong way to look at things. Sure there are trolls and you can ignore those people. But when the criticism is fair and professional and doesn’t attack you personally, why wouldn’t you listen? It opens your mind and makes you a better and wiser person.
@ExtremelyAvg 13) Try again tomorrow.
@Shonali @EricaAllison Erica you can come back if you promise to write about measuring public radio for sure! And if you ever want to blog about bloggers who blog about blogging @Griddy will be a guaranteed reader.
@ExtremelyAvg Maybe I should just hire a VLogging Agency of Record?
@EricaAllison Ab So Loot Lee ! Once we remove the Ego (hard to do) we immediately reap the rewards and open ourselves up for a lot of things.
Thanks again Erica.
Interesting how my name pops up in comments; I was ignorantly absent from this incredible experience, and had I been able to clone myself and find 10 more hours this week, perhaps I could’ve been present. Wahh.
As for taking criticism; we all hate to get our feathers ruffled. Having attempted two videos, I did mention in the one that I actually spoke, “Hi, I’m Erica, and it’s Friday!” But, alas, I could not sit in front of the camera as pristinely professional as she and come off mature. I’m thinking about it.
I have to poke fun at my own stupidity; go find the Mini Cooper blog post — it’ll make your head spin with “really? I thought she was smarter than that…(it was Sunday).”
So, I’m adding 2 days of comments into one and I’ll close with why the heck are Twitter conversations showing up at bottom that have nothing to do with this blog? (Oh, I think I know; I responded via Twitter and it added the Twitter thread to queue.)
Hi, Shonali! Please delete this comment right away cuz it’s an @3HatsComm ramble. Heh. FWIW. Heh, Heh.
Vlogging is hard. Ugh.
1) Buy camera and set-up. [This is the easy part]
2) Test camera and realize the background demonstrates you are a horrible slob.
3) Clean a bit.
4) Check camera shot again.
5) Clean more…considering checking…spend another hour cleaning.
6) Try to record video. Fail. Get fussy.
7) Go to internet and find a screen capture program with a 30 day trial. Download and install.
8) Succeed in capture, realize that the camera needs to be zoomed or pants need to be worn.
9) Say something inane on camera, and play back, try again…repeat 12 times.
10) Go to edit using Sony Vegas, realize it isn’t installed…try to find disk…look for an hour…fail.
11) Buy new Sony Vegas from Amazon.
12) Go to bed cursing.
@Soulati Apparently a year’s supply of deodorant and 1 month’s supply of Joint Juice! That’s what!
@ericamallison Oh, wow. According to Klout via Twitter, I’ve soared ahead by one point. See what happens when you holiday and I take over?
@jenzings: I’m a sucker for easy pitches!
@mikedonatello HAHAHA!! I had a feeling that wouldn’t go unanswered. This *is* the Internet after all. :-)
@jenzings: Oh yeah? Whaddya mean by that? ;-)
@Shonali @Al Smith ginidietrich soulati I think that was on my blog…solicited v. unsolicited. I had a funny experience yesterday as well where I was asked for my advice/input and was flatly refuted, ignored and otherwise made to feel awkward for not being the “yes (wo)man” they wanted me to be. If you don’t truly want input/criticism, then don’t put yourself out there.
I feel the same way about blogging. If all I wanted were “atta girls”, I’d have zero learning here. The criticisms are where I grow. Keep ’em coming!
I think the ability to graciously give and receive constructive criticism is one of the hallmarks of a mature individual and a person of character. It’s so critical in LIFE, not just work, that I’m surprised it isn’t a skill that is targeted for development early on. My parents were the ones who pounded into me that some people don’t know how to deliver criticism constructively, and that the responsibility falls upon ME to make the decision to take whatever is thrown my way gracefully. Sometimes it is going to sting, and sometimes it’s going to be mean-spirited and not constructive. Sometimes it takes a LOT to not snap back. But becoming defensive doesn’t help anyone. This post is a beautiful example of how criticism delivered and received can be a growth experience.
The outbreak of civility on this blog is always refreshing to watch. Would that it could be bottled and exported.
@Al Smith Thank you, Al. That means so much to me! I have learned that there’s always something to be learned from each situation…even if it may mean we suck up our egos. In the end, it’s how we grow.
@Shonali ginidietrich @EricaAllison soulati Thanks again Shonali. I think “weeding out” the “real” responses is key.
Best advice is to Pause when agitated or doubtful, count to 10 ( or maybe 100, Ha ! ) and turn it into a learning and growing experience, like Erica did. Awesome.
Al
@Al Smith I laughed at your “cuss under the breath” – haven’t we all been there (or still are) … ! That reminded me of a story a friend of mine used to tell, about an office having a closet with a punching bag in it. The idea being that every time someone got reamed out, or wanted to cuss out their boss (or anyone), they’d instead go into the closet, work out their frustration, and then come back and carry on with their work. Not a bad idea, huh?
Was it ginidietrich who had a post a while back on criticism/advice … or @EricaAllison , was it you… or was it soulati … I can’t remember (!) – and we talked about asked for v. unasked for advice. In many ways, criticism is like that, isn’t it? I too *try* to take a deep breath and not give a knee-jerk response (though I failed miserably at that yesterday when something came up … but I believe it was warranted). The one thing I’m learning to do is to weed out the “real” responses from the ones that are critical for the sake of being critical. The latter I really have no need for (and, IMHO, no one should have to take those).
Good luck with your business, Al, and thank you for stopping by!
I am not a zombie, I just view the world in black and white terms.
@EricaAllison It’s so much more interesting when there is some disagreement, isn’t it? Not that one has to set out to BE disagreeable, but it’s boring if everyone agrees on everything all the time. Everyone except our politicians, that is (can someone please tell ’em to get their act together?).
Erica, you have a standing invitation to come & GP any time. Thanks so much for doing this!
@pasmithjr Thank you so much for reading and sharing. h/t to @ericamallison @ExtremelyAvg @Jillfoster for sure.
This is so cool and very impressive. Way too often the egos get in the way. I am so glad that Erica responded the way she did. Willing to listen, learn and grow from constructive criticism. Erica, you are awesome.
It is hard to listen to and hear sometime ( I am getting a lot, trying to get the Biz going ) but after I usually cuss them out ( under my breath, of course ) I pause, take a deep breath and see how this can help me grow. really good stuff. thanks again.
I know you all C.A.R.E.
Al
Love it! I adore turning situations like this into amazing learning experiences for everyone. I definitely took it that way and enjoyed my banter with Brian immensely. And you’re right, WUL is a safe place for discerning comments and discussion, even disagreement! As I said to Brian, I think I was most impressed with the fact that he paid that much attention to my video (most folks will half-way listen/ multi-task while watching video). His observations and Jill’s video tip were awesome take-aways for me!
I for one can’t wait to see what extremelyavg comes up with in his vlog! I also adored the fact that thejackb and @jillFoster both shared videos in the comment thread. Too stinking cool!
Thanks for having me over, Shonali! It was a great experience.