Ken Mueller wrote a blog piece entitled 4 Little Known Blogging Secrets. It got me all worked up. The first 3 points were fine, but the 4th started my “rant-o-meter” running. The article was well written and, sadly, I agreed with all four points.
The problem was, I didn’t WANT the 4th point to be valid.
As a species we have evolved to be rather clever creatures. We learned to harness electricity, which is very impressive. Show me a single quadruped that has an electric blanket for a cold winter night. Nope, those silly creatures evolved to have fur. Point goes to the humans.
We have also crafted the art of sliced bread, which allows for sandwiches containing … yes … you know where I am going … BACON! Carnivores of the Serengeti don’t even bother combining their lunch-meats into sandwich form. It is so barbaric.
But our evolution has also led to sometimes exerting an enormous amount of energy and angst over things we can’t change, or can’t be bothered to change.
Don’t super-size, you
I have a female friend who is brilliant, fun, and, all would agree, has spectacular breasts. You can ask her, she would concur. Evolution has made men like them; Science has evolved to make them available for any woman who feels an upgrade is in order.
Top image: MarxFoods.com via Flickr, CC 2.0
My friend hates breast implants. She will rail on them for hours, talking about how they are unnecessary and pointless, and it is just a chauvinist society making women butcher themselves to be accepted.
I have sat in bars with her, listening to her go on and on about this, usually after one of her less well-endowed friends has “super-sized.” What I hear is, “Damn it! I feel cheated and less special.”
It may be cheating, and all of her points may be valid, but the effort she spends won’t change a damn thing.
The logic in me knows that women prefer tall men, and I am 5’6”. I am well aware that glorious hair is preferable to thinning. It makes sense that quarterbacks are more highly prized than chess players. So I just move on.
But I am not perfect when it comes to the senseless rant.
Back to Ken.
The 4th point was that one should have teasers on the main page of their blog and if a person wants to read the rest of the post, they just have to click.
Damn, that makes me mad. I hate seeing those on blogs and almost always refuse to click. I know they are just doing it to increase their click counts, those cheating bastards. Why don’t they just write good stuff and let people read the post at their leisure?
I mean, my God, demanding that I apply the slightest amount of pressure on my mouse button and then to be made to wait a full three-tenths of a second, while I am delivered the rest of the article. Well, that is just rude.
Congress should do something! Ban the teaser!
Image: Muskingum University Library via Flickr, CC 2.0
The reality is that it does work.
My friend Bob has done this on his website. A year ago, we had similar traffic. Mine has remained the same (100 – 200 per day); his has gone up to 17,000 per day. There are other reasons, to be sure, but those teasers haven’t hurt.
So why does it piss me off so much? There are two possible answers.
1. I am a middle-aged, balding, generally bitter person, who has been rejected by scores of women, with and without super-sizing, and needs a lengthy stay at a psych ward or International House of Pancakes.
2. I find it easier to spend month after month complaining, than to take a little time to fix my own blog.
Why do we try so hard to change the unchangeable?
It’s simple. We want to feel special, but without the effort it takes to be special.
Perhaps, if I could just hear from all of you as to why I’m being an unreasonable dork, it might help me “Get Over It,” so I could move on with my life. Are you bothered by the teaser?
Or, conversely, I would love to hear success stories.
Now I’m off to play with Google +, possibly eat a bit of lunch on some sliced bread, and to revel in my superiority to the Serengeti sandwich-less lion. If you have any examples of “the art of pointless angst,” please do share.
Brian Meeks used to make his living in the virtual world of Second Life, where he built spaces for corporate clients under the name Ecocandle Riel. When the economy went south, he turned to Social Media to feed and clothe himself. In his free time, he does … well … social media … and publishes the blog Extremely Average. He can be reached by email at ExtremelyAverageOne (a) gmail (dot) com, or by carrier pigeon at the house with the big tree out front.
@darbydarnit My bad Petri…just found you on FB and found out your first name. Sorry for the miscue in my later comment.
@darbydarnit @Shonali Ah….note to self…no mention of clowns when talking with Darby. Much mention of bacon. Got it:)
@KDillabough @Shonali @ExtremelyAvg
And I am now following you. :)
@Shonali I am the BIGGEST fan of bacon – except in poser turkey form. And my detest for clowns is nearly as strong as my love for bacon.
@Shonali @ExtremelyAvg darbydarnit Ah, another person to convert to Canadian back bacon! Thx for that Shonali…now following:)
@EricaAllison @HowieSPM Catching up on all the comments and they’re so fun. Bacon, lawn bowling, Madagascar… too much awesome! @ExtremelyAvg
@HowieSPM That was a BRILLIANT comment! I wonder if we should adapt that into a post? Hmm…
@KDillabough @ExtremelyAvg Btw, did you know that darbydarnit is also a bacon fan?
@ExtremelyAvg Well, you did ask for people to help you “get over it” and @piratealice may just have waved the magic wand. ;)
There are a lot of great templates that don’t cost a lot, and many that are free (like WUL’s current theme). It’s also pretty easy to make a few tweaks in your WordPress dashboard to set up your excerpts – I used to use a plugin but that was interfering with something or other, I forget what, so I just went into the Settings. I can look and tell you what I did, if you’d like.
@tabithaedwards Thanks for sharing!
@ExtremelyAvg Glad I could help! :)
@piratealice Now that is an amazing perspective. I had never thought about it that way. I like tables of contents. You may have just succeeded in changing my point of view. Wow, that is hard to do, as I am rather pig headed.
I too am pretty lazy, and the thought of a redesign, doesn’t appeal to me. But if I could find a few duckets in the couch, I might be able to buy a good template. Hmmm…
I understand the need to use the teaser. It also makes your website feel kinda like a magazine and the home page is like looking at the table of contents and then you turn to page 42 to read the big headline article. As a reader, as long as that click doesn’t take me to a page were I’ve gotta sign up or pay I’m OK with it. As a sometimes blogger, I am much too lazy to do the redesign on my site to create teasers or excerpts.
@EricaAllison @HowieSPMThanks. I may give lawn bowling a try, should the opportunity ever present itself. I would also love a shot a curling. I’d be great with one of those brooms.
@HowieSPM @ShonaliI have never tried lawn bowling, but I am positive I’d enjoy it. I lived in Lyon for a summer and got to play boules, which is a bunch of fun. I will give it a try someday. Good suggestion
I am sending you a bacon sandwich. Canadian back bacon. With pineapple. That is all. Cheers! Kaarina
Nevermind, figured it out without clicking–I’m a little slow this time in the morning!
This was a spectacular teaser for that fourth point, whatever it was. I’m gonna click right now, thanks, Brian.
Brian, I love the teasers. I wish I did it more often on my blog; I’m just lazy. I don’t bemoan those who do. I say good for them and encourage myself to get off my arse and do the same, if I really want to!
I think @HowieSPM offers a great option for you. I would suggest that you also “get over it” and recognize that you are already quite special and to compare yourself to someone else, anyone else is a futile effort that will leave you feeling, well, pointless angst.
Have an enjoyable, angst-free day.
your new online vbff,
Have you tried taking up lawn bowling? You are truly too young for shuffleboard, and lawn bowling is a mixture of exercise (you bowl a ball), excitement (when you score) , and nature (it’s on a nicely groomed field of grass). Of course it might rain. And it is possible to save money the town put down astroturf in the name of conserving water which is pretty important in western states and Madagascar.
Plus there are leagues and it can be very social. And it can really help one work out some pent up energy. Especially when you hit other balls out of play. And you can even form your own league and exclude certain demographics like women with breast implants, quarterbacks, ex-quarterbacks, men who don’t floss, and even grocery store clerks and I am pretty sure it’s legal to do so.
And you can have competitions where the winner get’s a trophy. Or you can also get a bunch of little trophy’s so the losers still get some sort of a trophy just for participating so they don’t have their feelings hurt. And of course at the end of the season you can have an awards ceremony with certificates of achievement, cheap beer, and some pizza (normally pizza hut if you want to really go big).
Anyway in case you now are really excited about Lawn Bowling here are the rules:
Not sure what in your post caused me to write this advice column to you but I just thank the power of blogging and people like @Shonali who inspire me to help other so much.
Love your posts as always!