It occurred to me recently as I was settling in for my fourth meeting of the week with a former student (not the same one four times, I hasten to add!) that somehow I’ve gotten pretty good at one of the key skills of a public relations professional…listening.
Image: State Library Queensland via Flickr, CC 2.0
I suppose I’ve always been okay at this, but I used to feel the need to always interject my own opinions…even when not solicited…into the conversation.
I’m sure someone reading this will mutter, “Well, you idiot, that’s what PR people are supposed to do!” And he or she will be right, to a degree.
We are supposed to have and to express our opinions as we help guide clients or employers along the way.
But, sometimes, we need to be able to simply sit and listen. Let the other party sort out his or her problem.
Wise public relations counsel, to me, is about developing and nurturing meaningful mutual understanding among all concerned parties. This, in my mind, implies empowering the other side to form ideas and opinions that will, in turn, foster continued and improved communication.
This doesn’t mean sitting like the Sphinx with no sign of life on your side of the table.
It does mean, though, willing yourself to remain a silent observer, taking in the other side’s thoughts, and asking relatively simple questions like “Why?” or “What do you think you should do?”
Effective public relations counsel is, according to Edward L. Bernays in his 1961 book Your Career in Public Relations, a matter of achieving “…willing cooperation. How can you get the client to accept a point of view that was not his to start with?”
And this implies/requires employing effective listening skills. It isn’t “rocket science,” but it is “relational science.” It’s achieving that level of empathy and understanding that tells the other party that you hear and you care.
As “Almustafa, the chosen and the beloved” asks in Kahlil Gibran‘s “The Prophet”:
“People of Orphalese, of what can I speak save of that which is even now moving within your souls?”
That is the power of listening.
The ability and the willingness to take others’ opinions and ideas into consideration. What we don’t want is to have our client or employer say, as did the Captain to Luke in “Cool Hand Luke”:
“What we’ve got here is failure to communicate.”
It all starts and ends with listening.
[…] just that, each time I sit and chat with one of my current/former students or a young professional about his or her plans for the […]
[…] just that, each time I sit and chat with one of my current/former students or a young professional about his or her plans for the […]
You are a really good listener, Kirk; I know this first-hand. I think I am a good listener most of the time, but sometimes my brain starts moving ahead so quickly, that I start to talk before the other person has finished… and I hate being the person who’s always interrupting. Even if it’s innocent, it can be so irritating! I’m trying to do better on that front.
Howie Goldfarb KirkHazlett Mark_Harai Thanks, Howie and Mark, for some insightful comments. It’s ironic that *listening* can be such a misunderstand and badly-practiced concept! Let’s hope we seen some positive changes in our lifetimes!
Howie Goldfarb Mark_Harai Pardon the interruption; your blog doesn’t have an email RSS option, Howie?
Howie Goldfarb KirkHazlett Mark_Harai I’ve been seeing many articles lately on the potential negative effects automation can have on social strategies… But if done properly (STRAP EARS ON) and you pay attention and reply, engage and take care of business when conversation develop around your content, it can actually help businesses develop better listening skills… How come most folks set things up, walk away, forget the “strap your ears on” part, and completely waste perfectly good opportunities to genuinely connect with potential customers? It’s a habit. All talk, no listening.
Cheers, gentlemen…. HOWIE!
You said this really well KirkHazlett
It is really hard to be a good listener. Not only retention of what you hear, but also know when you should be listening vs talking. And going with what Mark_Harai said, how can you offer solutions if you refuse to listen to find out the problem.
And btw there is an actual Sales Process Formula. And it includes listening because after you listen that is when you are supposed to offer solutions with your product or service based n what they offered up. Good sales people know and do this. Sadly the majority are the douchey type…..who don’t listen.
Mark_Harai Very, very true, Mark. It’s a tough art to master for some of us, but definitely worth the effort.
Thanks for reading and commenting!
Hey, Kirk – effective listener’s have the ability to bring real value & solutions to the table based on an individual or company’s real needs & desires.
They’re not just a douchey salesman spouting the features and benefits of their latest product or service for a buck.
Listening is the only aspect of communicating that brings substance into conversation…
Cheers, sir! : )
sgm3444 There’s a reason why there are twice as many of the one! :-)
Please make the best use of the TWO Ears and very less of the ONE Mouth