Guest post by Brian Meeks
The universe is a rapidly expanding place.
The great science minds of the world will continue to unravel its mysteries.
They won’t be Americans.
The fourth-graders in the United States ranked just behind Lithuania and in eleventh place overall in Sciences.
I suspect the Lithuanians also dominated in the areas of art and possibly English.
In truth, I don’t really care if Hong Kong, Singapore and Chinese Taipei (or as it is pronounced in the rest of the world, “Taiwan”) are dominating the sciences.
I don’t have kids and if I did, I wouldn’t waste their most productive years gaining a mediocre understanding of biology and physics.
Obviously, learning a productive trade like the textile production is much more valuable. I do love a quality tee shirt.
So what do our kids do well?
As far as I am able to tell, they have one skill which seems to dominate. That is the creation of acronyms.
Do the French type “RDF” (“rire dehors fort”)?
No, they type LOL, just like every other fourth-grader in the world.
“Laugh Out Loud,” in English, so suck it Latvia and hey, Kazakhstan, you may be six spots ahead in science, but you are still expressing your feelings in good old American acronym.
In a recent study, which I made up, scientists (not Americans) have predicted that within 7 years, 93% of the world will be on Twitter… all the time.
The only skill that will matter is the “acronymisiatic” sciences.
If we start to feel badly about how stupid our children have become, and the ridiculously illiterate adults they will grow into, then we can simply change the shorthand.
The rest of the world will be busy at jobs, making things, inventing new devices to tweet with.
We will be here plotting.
I would like to suggest several new acronyms, just to get the ball rolling.
Of course, I expect our current crop of fourth-graders will be able to do better, but here I go anyway.
LUIRMS (Laugh Until I Ruptured My Spleen)
A personal favorite of mine.
I have been trying to get this one to catch on for almost three years.
It isn’t going well.
Not only will it confuse kids in the Netherlands, it is darn fun to say and looks like it might be a Latin term for earthworms.
BAG (Busting A Gut)
This one is from my friend Sherri. It is a replacement for LOL too.
The appeal of this acronym is its dual use as a noun, thus confusing anyone from a Baltic state.
GUIWMALBNSYWN (Giggled Until I Wet Myself A Little But Not So You Would Notice)
I like to think of this as the nuclear option. There are pluses and minuses.
On the plus side of the ledger, nobody outside of the 5 – 7 people who have read my ridiculous post, will know what it means.
On the downside, I have already forgotten how to spell it.
LALTMS (Laughing A Little To Myself)
Also from Sherri, who is a very clever person. This may have the most potential of all of them.
It isn’t just LOL which needs a face lift.
We could also benefit by harnessing the power of acronyms to quickly address other issues.
For several years now, men have been approaching women using any number of lame pick-up lines.
Because we (men) are generally stupid, using the incredibly efficient “No” hasn’t proven to be effective.
NBFY or the alternate NBFU (No Boobs For You)
I think this not only sums up the woman’s feeling on the subject, but directly answers the real question being asked when he says, “Hey you want to have dinner next Tuesday?”
It works well as either a text or (especially with the second version), as a spoken rebuff.
I could go on, mostly because I am a middle-aged and bitter man, living in a bunker, in a tiny town in the Midwest, and have little else to do, but I won’t.
I have to start planning my next rant, “Fake Hash Taggery #forfunandprofit.”
You Twitter people know what I mean.
Images © Brian Meeks, used with permission
Brian Meeks used to make his living in the virtual world of Second Life, where he built spaces for corporate clients under the name Ecocandle Riel. When the economy went south, he turned to Social Media and does this to feed and clothe himself. In his free time, he does… well… social media… and publishes the blog Extremely Average. He can be reached by email at ExtremelyAverageOne (a) gmail (dot) com, or by carrier pigeon at the house with the big tree out front. You can also connect with him on Twitter.
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YMMD, as @Shonali said I’m hep to the kids’ lingo so this in so in my wheelhouse. @ExtremelyAvg’suck it Latvia’. ROTFLMAO. And the fake hashtags rant, bring it .. but sadly, don’t have any carrier pigeons. Will smoke signals work? As to adding my own, I’m just gonna make up my own crap as I go. Come up w/ my own shorthand but sadly it’s nothing as witty or clever.. just abbreviated like ITIOD (in the interest of disclosure) but hmm.. I’ll come up with things silly and snarky, JFTHOI.
@ericaholt Nice one! You know, I bet 3hatscomm who’s the acronym QUEEN could give @ExtremelyAvg a run for his money… :p
@ericaholt I am a big believer in scientific studies. I like to quote them as often I am I able. This is usually followed by a heavy dose of skepticism and lunch. Sometimes I like to have my skepticism with breakfast. Really, it goes with anything these days.
@ericaholt Nice one! You know who I bet could come up with a whole host of them? 3hatscomm . Come on, Davina!
“In a recent study, which I made up, scientists (not Americans) have predicted that within 7 years, 93% of the world will be on Twitter… all the time. The only skill that will matter is the ‘acronymisiatic’ sciences.”
I am nervously laughing to myself about this (IANLTMAT?).
Quite funny, Brian, — love this post!