Guest post by Brian Meeks
I don’t know Snooki.
I can say with confidence
that I would prefer to be beaten about the head and shoulders with a block of hardened, aged, Gouda,
than to watch “Jersey Shore.”
And yet, I feel like I want to write a lengthy rant, mocking her and the show, because of my perceptions.
That would be unfair.
It was announced that Snooki would be speaking at a major college on the East Coast. She was to receive $32,000.
I applaud her for getting the gig.
Toni Morrison, the first black woman to win the Nobel Prize in literature, will also speak. She will receive $30,000.
Image: Hector Alejandro via Flickr, CC 2.0
I have not read anything by Toni Morrison, so I know as much about her as I do Snooki.
Shall we take a look at the two of them?
“If there’s a book that you want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.”
~ Toni Morrison
I love that quote. It makes me want to read more of her work.
“Everybody Google it, because that’s why the water is salty. Fucking whale sperm.”
~ Snooki
I am not a marine biologist, but I think she may have been misinformed.
I must admit, though, I didn’t Google it, so I reserve judgment.
(I hate that Microsoft Word won’t recognize ‘google’ as a verb. Stupid squiggly lines of judgment. I digress.)
1-0. Toni Morrison takes the lead.
“At some point in life the world’s beauty becomes enough. You don’t need to photograph, paint, or even remember it. It is enough.”
~ Toni Morrison
I am a photographer, so I can’t imagine NOT photographing it, but I suspect she is right.
It is a fine quote regardless, and speaks to me.
“I don’t go tanning anymore because Obama put a 10% tax on tanning. I feel like he did that intentionally for us, like McCain would never put a 10% tax on tanning, because he is pale and would probably wanna be tan.”
-Snooki
Image: NVS_Inc via Flickr, CC 2.0
Rachael Maddow and Glenn Beck can suck it!
This is the sort of in-depth political analysis this country needs, to drag us out of this terrible recession and help us choose our leaders.
1-1.
“As you enter positions of trust and power, dream a little before you think.”
~ Toni Morrison
This seems wise beyond my ability to comprehend.
My gut tells me it is genius, but I suspect that only the Dalai Lama can truly appreciate the quote.
I am sure there are layers and layers to this simple idea. Well done, Toni.
“I don’t eat friggin’ lobster or anything like that. Because they’re alive when you kill it.”
~ Snooki
Maybe she is a marine biologist? Maybe she is a distant cousin of Yogi Berra?
Still, the point goes to Toni.
2-1.
“We die. That may be the meaning of life. But we do language. That may be the measure of our lives.”
~ Toni Morris
A solid entry; clearly Toni can tell that Snooki is on the ropes.
Did she pull her punch?
“Even though we’re tiny bitches I don’t give a shit. I will fucking attack you like a squirrel monkey.”
~ Snooki
I didn’t see that one coming, but I laughed.
“Monkey” is always a funny word.
Point to Snooki.
2-2.
“Along with the idea of romantic love, she was introduced to another – physical beauty. Probably the most destructive ideas in the history of human thought. Both originated in envy, thrived in insecurity, and ended in disillusion.”
~ Toni Morrison (The Bluest Eye)
Now I can see why she won a Noble prize. That is some fine wordsmithing.
Let’s see what Snooki has to say in response.
“I am tanned; I like being tanned, BITCH!”
~ Snooki
It was a surprisingly close match, but in the end Toni won 3-2.
Aaaarghhh.
No. She. Didn’t!
Toni Morrison is a national treasure. Snooki is not.
There isn’t a scorecard in the galaxy that would read 3-2.
It is 5-0 every time.
I made it close to keep you reading, and for that I apologize.
Ms. Morrison won a Nobel Prize for Literature; do I need to say it again?
I won’t mention the school that deemed Snooki to be $2,000 dollars more valuable than Ms. Morrison.
Nor will I bash Snooki further, as I would gladly take the money too.
I will, however, berate the dregs of society who decided to place a greater value on Snooki than Toni Morrison.
I am sure the students thought it was great, because they are the generation who made Snooki, in their own image.
I hope Toni takes her Nobel Prize, melts it down, and fashions a club for beating the stupid out of the student body.
Or at the very least, goes squirrel monkey on them.
Brian Meeks used to make his living in the virtual world of Second Life, where he built spaces for corporate clients under the name Ecocandle Riel. When the economy went south, he turned to Social Media and does this to feed and clothe himself. In his free time, he does… well… social media… and publishes the blog Extremely Average. He can be reached by email at ExtremelyAverageOne (a) gmail (dot) com, or by carrier pigeon at the house with the big tree out front. You can also connect with him on Twitter.
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[…] It’s a process, one must get a spark. My best posts are generally born of an angst ridden internal dialogue sparked by someone being stupid. (See Snooki vs. Toni Morrison) […]
[…] seems that between posting a link to a snark-filled post about Snooki and another about my upcoming book, I decided to take a break and put up an ad for Viagra, and […]
[…] Snooki v. Toni Morrison – by Brian Meeks, waxingunlyrical.com […]
[…] It’s now 1:57 p.m. as my friends have been distracting me with their funny comments and clever blog posts. […]
@Shonali @ginidietrich I did do some writing today. A post about SMSD (Social Media Stress Disorder), as there are few things I enjoy more than making up diseases. I do feel it is Gini’s turn though. She gets first crack.
@ExtremelyAvg Hey, all’s fair in love, war and blogging… isn’t that what they say, @ginidietrich ?
@Griddy @3HatsComm @ginidietrich I don’t think people realize how much they’ve influenced pop culture. They were one of the first bands to pioneer music videos, and other than being eminently foot-tappable, their music is beautifully composed and orchestrated. How I wish I could have seen them live. I got to work a bit on the SF premiere of “Mamma Mia!” and OMG, I was in heaven when Bjorn walked by me. I took my mom to see it on Broadway when she visited a few years ago, and it was just as much fun.
OK, I’ll get off my ABBA soapbox now. ;) Btw – ABBAWorld is a ton of fun too!
@Shonali @3HatsComm @ginidietrich Okay I’ll bite :). I recently watched Mama Mia in London – LOVED it! I also probably know the words to most of the songs by heart but shhhhh don’t tell anyone. I mean really – who doesn’t – it’s ABBA! Whether you like em or not – you know em! ;)
@Shonali @ginidietrich Listen to you…trying to sneak in and get another post without giving Gini a turn. If I didn’t have a ‘day job’, I am sure I could write more. As it is, my 7 posts, for my blog, plus the couple guest posts I am doing per week, is about all I can muster. I am working on a post about Social Media Stress Disorder (SMSD), which I think Gini should get first shot at. It is her turn.
@Shonali @3HatsComm @bdorman264 @ginidietrich I have all the Lemony Snicket books, but only read one. I have way too many books on the shelf, patiently waiting for me to love them.
@ginidietrich @3HatsComm @Shonali I stood in line at midnight in Chevy Chase MD for the last 3 of the Harry Potter books. Read each of them the followind day. Loved Potter!
@3HatsComm @Shonali We all have guilty pleasures. I prefer to think of it as well rounded. But I am round enough, without adding ‘Jersey Shore’. So I mock.
@ginidietrich Gini, If you tell me to read Toni Morrison, then I certainly will. I am powerless against you and Shonali.
@3HatsComm @bdorman264 @ginidietrich OMG, I am such a Harry Potter freak. Also Lemony Snicket. OK, now you’re going to start calling me senile before my time.
@3HatsComm Oooh, it’s SO on. ABBA = music that makes me happy, Elvis = an amazing entertainer. I can’t stand Celine & Kenny G, LOL. @ginidietrich
@ginidietrich I know, I have to find a way to get @ExtremelyAvg to write regularly for WUL. Imagine the laughter = good vibes he’ll generate! What do you say, Brian?
@HowieSPM Do you read crescenzo ‘s stuff? GREAT writing. And he did a post a while back on using “Seth Godin” to bring in traffic, I believe. I never asked him it if worked, but it was hilarious. @Griddy @ExtremelyAvg @ginidietrich @3HatsComm
And just for you @Griddy – COR BLIMEY!
@bdorman264 @ginidietrich @Shonali http://muwhahaha.com/
Amen.
@3HatsComm @ginidietrich @Shonali A lot…..you can’t publish any of those DM’s can you?………………:)
@HowieSPM @ginidietrich @3HatsComm @Shonali And rightfully so Howie; the books just happen to be avail and in a state of no internet and sheer boredom I read them…………..that’s my story and I’m sticking with it…………..:)
@HowieSPM @Griddy @ExtremelyAvg @ginidietrich @3HatsComm @Shonali @joey_strawn Anyone can sell. The real stars are the ones that sell something worth buying. ;-)
@bdorman264 @ginidietrich @Shonali How much is that silence worth to ya?
@Griddy I could be bought. One hour of mind-numbing, IQ point dropping, eyerolling pain.. I could do it, but like you there’d be lots of zeros marked with decimal points and a comma or two. ;-)
@Griddy @ExtremelyAvg @ginidietrich @3HatsComm @Shonali the funniest part of this post? Funny or like ridiculously sad? I mean seriously? Are ya ready? You sure?
We can make fun of Miss Snookums all we want and Bash Rutgers. But Snooki sells. Look at the comment count! And its about Snooki. I think we are all in the wrong business?
I think I am working Snooki now into every blog post I ever do. And I think @DannyBrown @joey_strawn will agree its a great strategy to generate traffic and intellectual discourse.
@3HatsComm @ginidietrich @Shonali one southpark they make fun of the jonas bros and kenny is excited to date the girl who is loose with the guys. But then she gets convinced to get a purity ring so they start dating and stay pure. Which meant hanging out with other couples and staying in at night to watch Greys Anatomy Marathons LOL
@bdorman264 @ginidietrich @3HatsComm @Shonali I shun everything Twilight and Harry Potter LOL oh and jersey shore!
@ginidietrich @3HatsComm @Shonali Shhhhh, if you tell anybody not only will I deny it but will have to kill you too; I read the first two Twilight books as well…………..does that make me one of the girls?
Brian – this has got to be one of the funniest pieces I’ve read in a while!
You had me LMAO and yet sadly all I can think of now is being tanned ;).
Toni Morrison – amazing writer – I still remember reading “Beloved” in high school. So much like Gini – I would definitely recommend that you read her.
As for that literary genius – sorry I mean Snooki – I have no comment and I don’t think you could pay me enough to start watching “Jersey Shore”. Well…”enough” is a big word – I’d consider the amount if the Zero’s behind it were generous ;). After all – I know I’ve watched some dumber shows and actually gotten hooked. As Shonali would say Cor Blimey! Brilliant!
Loved this!
Cheers
HILarious.
I ONLY watch it because my 15-year-old Franchise Princess and I get to hang out during the show.
Next season, I’m having her count how many times I say, “what a bunch of idiots” during each one.
#hateit
The Franchise King®
@ginidietrich @Shonali I didn’t pull you into this, Shonali did. ;-) What about music, anything we’d never think you’d like? BTW I am a faux TV snob in that I don’t watch reality crap and gave up on many shows when they started to flail (‘Grey’s Anatomy’ anyone?) but then, still have the junk I do watch (plus ‘Castle, Fringe’ etc.). Now for the true confession: I’m not much of a book reader. It’s a time thing, not snobbery. At least w/ TV I can multitask and be semi-productive. On vacation, I read a little but even then I’d rather be doing something than reading. Anyway, think I’ve gone off topic enough.
@3HatsComm @Shonali Oh jeez. How did I get pulled into this?! I DO think Shonali loving Elvis is hilarious! It seems so uncharacteristic. I will add that I LOVED Twilight (took me back to high school first love) but I hate the movies. And I loved all the Harry Potter books. Other than those, I’m a big literature snob. HUGE. And I don’t watch much TV so have no guilty pleasures there.
This has me crying from laughing! You have a way with words, Brian! WOW!
As an English literature major, I cannot even begin to fathom the right words to describe how insulting this is. But Brian? Please read some Toni Morrison!
P.S. I agree monkeys are funny.
@Shonali @ginidietrich @KellyeCrane I’m saying there’s no shame, no closeted skeleton in admitting you like ABBA and Elvis. I like Elvis and ABBA. I’ve been to Graceland and can totally sing along to Mamma Mia, not that you’d ever want me to. That’s the piffle, not your tastes.. they are quite respectable IMO, except of course that “Twilight” drivel. ;-)
@3HatsComm @ginidietrich “ABBA and Elvis, piffle.” BITE YOUR TONGUE, Missy!!! :p
Btw – please say happy belated birthday to Agnetha (the first “A” in ABBA). It was her 61st birthday yesterday. And as for Elvis… he rocked. Even if he possibly died of constipation (I couldn’t believe that when I heard it).
You should get @KellyeCrane to tell you stories of her dad who met Elvis. Man, if only it had been me…
@Shonali @ginidietrich Ok.. I will admit to reading the first two “Twilights” but will refuse to call them “books” in the name of unpublished authors still tending bar and selling burial plots. Have negative interest in the movies. ABBA and Elvis, piffle. ;) Please you can do better. Celine, Kenny G, totally offensive yet I like the beat hip-hop.. all that’s in my iPod, not to mention strummy alt rock crap. Then there’s the DVR w/ silly nighttime soaps and craptacular nonsense that I should have stopped watching years ago and boring, predictable procedurals. Okay I’ll stop now before I say too much, have to change my name and move to another country.
@3HatsComm LOL. You want me to reveal all the skeletons in my closet?! OK: ABBA (but you already knew that, right?). Twilight (I couldn’t BELIEVE that I loved that so much, but the books, I think the movies are terrible). Also Elvis, which @ginidietrich finds hilarious. Should I go on…?
@bdorman264 @Shonali @HowieSPM Almost none .. just that the minute you don’t think you need it anymore, that’s when the fit hits the shan and you do need it. (Skipping rant on ‘hurricane’ insurance not covering all hurricane damage.) Just one of many topics I’d be better off knowing a little more about than say Snooki or Lindsey Lohan or Charlie Sheen. FWIW.
@3HatsComm @Shonali @HowieSPM Hey, I heard that; what kind of insurance codes do you know Ms D?
@Shonali @HowieSPM Oh it’s ON now Shonali. What else is in your DVR, you can tell me! Vampire Diaries is a not-at-all guilty pleasure for me as I just love that show, but I too watch many wretched shows including the crappy “Charmed” for too long.
Like you, I’m annoyed I know more about some of these folks than I do many, many other things. Like blog analytics or the writings of any Nobel winners or insurance codes or how to mix a killer Margarita (actually, I sorta can do that one). I get we all have tastes, but it’s the range of tastes as you point out; ‘all raw, all the time’ is scary to me. So maybe there’s a silver lining in that the school invited different speakers from different ends of the spectrum.
@3HatsComm I think we all have a more “plebian” side to us, Davina, and bravo for being open about it. I totally love “Charmed,” for example, even though it’s such a crap show. I don’t think it makes us hypocrites to like a range of stuff. I guess it’s more about how our society’s tastes have changed – and we’re all partly responsible for that – to the point where I even know who Snooki is. Because, really, I shouldn’t. Or OctoMom. Or Kate+8-Jon. Or…
But then, to @HowieSPM ‘s point, humans have always had a taste for the raw. Maybe this is simply the 21st century way of expressing it.
Like @Shonali I’ve hated the few minutes of JS I’ve been unfortunate enough to watch, and must confess to not having read Ms. Morrison’s work. That said, reading so much of Ms. Snooki’s thoughts.. I feel dirty. Need a shower and maybe some PBS. That is all.
Except not. Sure I didn’t fool anyone. It’s sad that in some circles the scores would be lopsided the other way but then, I have to say TEHO, remind myself that YMMV. I understand that the people who watch JS are thankfully, hopefully not the people award Nobel’s for literature. Fingers crossed at least a few of those in the audience got a chance to see and appreciate the differences in the two speakers.
Would that my tastes ran more towards the intellectual and high brow, but have to admit on Sunday, sure I read things in the Atlantic, NYT, WSJ, etc. but then I also followed The Fug Girls March Madness and am looking forward to Thursday’s return of Vampire Diaries. My thing is, DOES it make me a hypocrite if I like a little of both? Do I lose some cred if I admit to not always following the egghead and rarely watching PBS? FWIW, I’d take the money too.
@bdorman264 @ExtremelyAvg When I was looking at the various articles that had run on this, something that kept popping out was Ms. Morrison’s response that she’d cut her fee in half, because of her association with the university. If that is true, then let’s factor that into the equation as well – she was/will be paid what she asked for, and Snooki was paid what she asked for.
FWIW, I would pay to hear Toni M. speak, I would not pay to see Snooki, and I don’t want “Jersey Shore” (I can’t stand it, the first time I caught a glimpse of it it physically made me ill). But I suspect I’m in the minority (along with you guys).
Did Snooki do anything wrong? No. She’s going to make money any way she can, as she has clearly demonstrated. Did the University’s student body (which, I believe, put on the event) do anything wrong? They’re about as wrong as most media outlets, who are looking for content that gets clicks, at the risk of being completely ludicrous, over content that might not, even though it’s well-researched and intelligent. Did Ms. Morrison do anything wrong? Of course not, other than being “nice” by reducing her fees (again, if that’s true).
It’s not just the students who fashioned Snooki in their own image. It’s all of us as well. Remember “Idiocracy”? ‘Nuff said.
@bdorman264 @HowieSPM I LOVE Super Nanny! OK – no, not really. I was intrigued by it the first few shows, but then… seriously. Whatever happened to good old parental responsibility and discipline? Guess I’m showing my age…
@ExtremelyAvg I don’t think you are a hippocrit; whatever the market will bear, right? It is what it is……it’s still a lot of money however for the top 2%.
@HowieSPM Now you are talking; that’s a real show there…..
@bdorman264 I may be a hippocrit. I don’t have a problem with athletes or really anyone getting what the market will give them. I have had plenty of teachers who were crap and grotesquely overpaid, even at their paultry salaries, but they make the same as the super stars of teaching, because that is how the system is set up. I would prefer to see great teachers make a lot more, and horrible teachers mocked to tears. But that is a blog for a different day. I appreciate you stopping in and giving my drivel a read. Thanks.
@bdorman264 I don’t think this is Snooki’s fault. I have mentioned quite a few times the 25% drop out rate in High School helps support crappy entertainment. Remember back in Roman days they loved watching Lions eat People. We are still animals and with technically at least 70 million high school drop outs we only need 10 million to watch the show to make it a hit. But what I wonder with most of the demographic probably lower economically its not the same for advertisers as say something a bit more intellectual like Super Nanny.
This is very lame considering that money could of given a student a scholarship. I will not say much because if I write something beyond this it could and would be used against me in the court of law. LOL
I am impressed, not only did you take the high road but you gave Snook’s her due……….
When you dropped the sperm whale and squirrel monkey bomb, I’m thinking ‘whoa’ this lady has some spunk.
I agree with you 100% totally. I would not spend 2 seconds watching or supporting that show or the actors in any shape, form or fashion. Having said that though, I do not know Snookie so I won’t to judge and whatever the market will allow more power to her.
Our society is so enamored with celebrity, just look at the disparity between in pay between the top actors/athletes vs educators. Kind of messed up, huh?
I hear ya, I just don’t think it’s going to change.